CLUCKOPATRA 2525

"In the year 2525
Three chickens are still alive
They're fighting to reclaim the Earth
For the eggs of Poultry's rebirth....."

Hel and Clucko were scratching around in the underground coop one day.
Mauser (formerly a betrayer rooster, but since brainwashed) pecked away on Sarge's back, as she relaxed into her box of straw.
A glimmer of movement from the holodoor caught Hel's attention.
"Pwoooork?" she thought, and strutted over to the door...
Nothing happened. She tilted her head quizzically to one side - then satisfied, strutted back.

Clucko fluffed up her feathers, and stepped perkily along the 'chicken-run'. She did a little pirouhette, then saw the same strange movement. She moved closer for a better look...

Suddenly, a hand appeared, seizing Clucko by her wing!
She squawked loudly, and pecked viciously at the offender, successfully breaking his grip.
Clucking frantickly, she scuttled back to the others.

The offender stepped into the room. It was a Clown. He had Red Hair!

Hel nearly laid an egg...."Pweerk Pwoork!" she softly clucked ... (Now translating all cluck into English...)

....."Ronald McDonald!"

The Clown man smiled - "Ahhh! Helen! How nice to see you! I remember your father - so tender and Juicy..." he looked around and spyed Mauser in the corner... "But this is what I came for! My latest offering - The McRooster!" - a burst of flame came from the device on his wrist.
Mauser was caught smack in the middle, and fell apart into perfectly cooked nuggets.

"He killed Mauser!" shrieked Clucko
"No, Mauser's just stunned," croaked Sarge - "Get him!!!"

The three chickens lunged at Ronald. He held his hands up to shield his eyes - they were in too close range (free range?!) to fire upon! He staggered backwards under the furious feathered onslaught...skidded on one of Mauser's giblets, falling out the doorway, down the shaft!!!

"That was easy~!" exclaimed Cleo.
"Too easy"... brooded Sarge.

"Voice? Are you there?"...said Hel.
"Yes chicky baby, here I am!!!"
(Why did the voice always seem to remind her of that archaic Earth TV show with Muppets? - Hel shook her head. Blue. If she could put a face to the voice, she was sure it would be blue.)

"Mauser's fallen apart - we just got attacked by Ronald Mc Donald. The lab's a mess."
"Camilla, my darling, you must go..."

"My name's NOT Camilla. It's Hel."
"Hell or no hell, let us not argue, for I've come up with a dangerous (yet strangely fascinating!) feat for you, that must be done! I'd do it myself, but..."

Hel sighed. "What is it?"
"In order to save the world, you must go...(dramatic pause)... to the Surface!Your objective is to secure one of the wings of the headless Chickies, that patrol the earth... - Farewell, my feathered sweet!"
"Voice! Wait, VOICE!...damn."

"What is it Hel?" queried Sarge
Hel was grim. "Voice wants us to go to the surface to get a Chickie wing."
"So? Let's go now!!"said Clucko.
"I've never been before..."

....


The three chickens flew bravely up the shaft
Entering through a faded pair of golden arches, Clucko shuddered and puffed out her feathers.
"This place gives me the creeps!"

Hel was staring straight ahead at a dusty disused old counter, eyes slightly unfocussed
Sarge pecked her gently. "Hel, snap out of it! What's wrong?"
"I thought...saw my Father ... he was... nevermind. Let's get out of here. What's the best way to the surface?"
"Directly above."

They looked up. There was a rendition of a large yellow M painted there. Someone had graffitied "Would you like Fries with that?" in black spraypaint over it.
Flying up, they gripped the disused light fittings in their claws, and pecked rapidly at the crumbling plaster.
Soon there was a hole just big enough to squeeze through.

...

An empty field.
Suddenly a wing pushed through the grass, into the air. Sarge, with her special goggles fitting snugly, pulled herself up and onto the surface, the others followed close behind.

They fluffed themselves out and preened the soil from their feathers, before heading to the safety of some nearby trees.

Hel wobbled a bit. "It's hideous", she said as her vision weaved.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it", said Sarge.

Clucko lagged behind. She couldn't resist.. "oh God it's BEAUTIFUL!" she crowed!

The others fixed her with disapproving beady eyes.
"Shh!! I think I hear one coming..."
Sarge let a little blue lense slide over her eye.


....


In the distance, a large silver object, that bore vague similarities to a headless chicken, headed their way.
Hel and Sarge started pulling away large clumps of grass.
"What are you doing?"asked Clucko.

Sarge paused briefly "You'll see."

The soil was exposed, as the hideous silver misshapen "Chickie" loomed above them.
Weapons sprung out all over it.
"Batter up!"
Hel and Sarge activated their eleven-herbs-and-spices batter-shields.
They turned their backs on the hovering monstrosity and scuffed fiercely into the soil. Bits of rock, sticks and mud flew up at the Chickie, catching it square on. It weaved about, momentarily blinded.

"NOW!" shouted Sarge.
With a massive flurry of feathers, Hel flew up and scratched clawed and pecked her way though one of the 'wings'. It fell to the ground.
"Hurry! Sarge, Clucko, help me lift this thing!!"

The three chickens scooped up the giant 'wing' and scuttled towards the hidden hole as the Chickie turned and fired at them. Huge streamers of chicken soup plastered the ground! It splashed over their battershields.

"Mine's weakening, Hel! Hurry!"

"Mine too - almost there!"

Suddenly the Chickie dropped a giant egg that exploded, just as they managed to find the hole. The tide of yellow yolk was nearly upon them as they narrowly squawked down to safety.

"Phew. That was close!" Hel said. Then she noticed blue sparking coming from a wound on Sarge's leg.

"Oh Sarge - you're a 'Rooster'?"

"No... that hasn't been decided on yet. It's just speculation."
They looked at each other blankly.
"I don't know where that came from", said Sarge. "Sorry."

"Whew. Let's go.."

They jumped out the arches, and down into the shaft - flapping in tandem with the 'wing' gripped tightly in their claws.

..........

Later on, as a slightly overgrilled (but somehow together again) Mauser examined the 'wing' in delight, Cluckopatra asked "So what was all that about, anyway?"

Hel replied: "Well, not long after you were frozen all those years ago, Colonel Sanders decided that the only way to make the world a better place, was to make KFC available to everyone.
He became so powerful, when he built his "Chickies" that pretty soon, most of his competition was either destroyed or driven underground - even his Arch enemy, that Clown guy.
Unfortunatly, something went haywire, and the Chickies began destroying all living competition, including us real chickens. Even the Colonel "disappeared". It was good in one way - we were no longer being turned into countless burgers, but they must have felt threatened by our reality. We were all forced to seek shelter underground.

"So what's with the 'wing' then?"

Sarge answered: "There are those who would still try to eat us, that's why we needed to secure this 'weaponry' - hopefully we can adapt it to suit our own wings. We've been successful so far, other less smarter animals were not as fortunate in surviving the burger business"

"Ahh! Now I understand why I haven't seen any cows..."

Sarge looked at her.

"What's a cow?"


The End!


:> :> :> :)

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Many issues were pointed out after this story. The chicken's lack of flying skill being one ( Evolution!) Clucko being a chicken from the past (as a counter to my evolution premise - something to do with her "Breast Implants" was my response), and regarding the picture, Chickens and Bellybuttons. (again I chalk it up to implants!)

If you are not familiar with the show, a lot of this will have been lost to you because as with most parodies, there are enough in-jokes and references for the story to make truly no sense at all. (I believe at least three episodes are referenced here!)

:)

C2525 - Tblue