Letting Go of the Balloon

LETTING GO

We love you, Michelle, we miss you Michelle, we let go, Michelle

LETTING GO

I wrote a message to my child
"I love you, little one
I miss you, oh so very much"
My hopes and dreams undone

I tied my message to a string
Joined to a red balloon
I knew that I would send it off
Hoped it would get "there" soon

Chorus:
I love you little one
I miss you oh so much
My hopes and dreams undone
Hope it will get there soon

I held on tightly to the string
The wind was testing me
I wrapped it round my finger
Not yet time to set it free

I felt the wind tug on my hand
"Let go!" it said to me
"When I am ready, not before"
I answered, angrily

Chorus:
I love you little one
I miss you oh so much
My hopes and dreams undone
Hope it will get there soon

The wind was pushing me so hard
I made that string secure
I felt the pain, it tightening
How much could I endure?

Then came the time to let it go
Release it to the sky
I sent my message to my child
And then began to cry

Chorus:
I love you little one
I miss you oh so much
My hopes and dreams undone
Hope it will get there soon

Observing through my salty tears
My eyes, they matched the clouds
Balloons were fading in the air
Engulfed in misty shrouds

I watched until they disappeared
Flew off towards the sun
Dissipating into light
Just like my little one.

Chorus:
I love you little one
I miss you oh so much
My hopes and dreams undone
Hope it will get there soon

I love you little one
I miss you oh so much
My hopes and dreams undone
Hope it will get there soon

To listen to the song Click HERE

The Memorial Service

On Thursday 3rd August, 2000, I attended a Memorial Service for the Heart Children who have died. Although Michelle did not die because of her heart defect or surgery, she was still a "Heart Child", having had major heart surgery in July 1993 at the age of two on her AV Canal defect, (associated with her having Down Syndrome).

During the service we were invited to write a message to our child on a red heart shaped card and after the service we attached our messages to red balloons bearing our children's names. We then went outside to the hospital garden to sing another song, and release our balloons. It was very windy and I was afraid of letting go before I was ready to, so I held on tightly to the string.

It came the time to let go of my balloon. It was such a cathartic experience to release that balloon. I feel like I let go of Michelle at the same time on some level. I watched her balloon and although it wasn't the first one released, it appeared to take the lead. I kept my eyes fixed on it and all the others disappeared into the clouds, leaving hers alone momentarily, then some reappeared. I watched it until it disappeared into a tiny speck in the sunlight.

It was a very moving experience and I am so grateful to Heart Children New Zealand Inc for organising that Memorial Service and giving us the opportunity to join together in remembering our darling children.

I wrote the above poem that night and the next day I turned it into a song. I have a very amateurish .mp3 file of it, with me singing it, and if you would would like to hear it, click here to download it, or chat with me below or leave a message and I will e-mail it. The file maybe too long to download from this page.


Click here if you would like to chat with me or leave a message:

Balloon graphic by Larry A. Tilander
Larry and his Traditional Poetry