Something happened the night she died 
That feels important to be shared 
Birth and death, they merged for me 
Before her life, just disappeared 
I can't explain that powerful force 
Poured into me from who knows where 
But those with us could see a change 
While I stood dancing with her, there 
A sudden healing came to me 
It made our journey so worthwhile 
I'm here to celebrate her life 
Remembering her little smile 

Everywhere I look 
I see her standing there 
Right between her sisters 
Her beautiful blond hair 
Her big blue eyes look right at me 
She looks so much at peace 
She's like their Guardian Angel 
Now she's found her release

Copyright © Sharon K. 1996

I read this poem out at Michelle's funeral, from the serviettes it was written on

This poem was written the day after Michelle died, in McDonalds on a serviette.  I looked at my two girls on a rocking thing, and momentarily saw Michelle in between them both.  I grabbed a serviette and wrote this poem immediately.  Chris had taken a huge pile of serviettes upstairs, automatically, forgetting we didn't have Michelle anymore to need them.

The last photo of Michelle alive.  On her Nana's knee - Nov. 1996
The last photo of Michelle alive, with her Nana

The Night Michelle Died

The night she died, a lot of people were around, mainly our extended "family" of girls who had helped me with Michelle over time.  I had a bad back from lifting Michelle, but suddenly I didn't care anymore, and picked her up and danced around the room with her, singing a song I sang to her in the hospital (when we transferred there from  home not long after she was born, and couldn't feed).  Suddenly, as I was singing my voice changed and reverberated around the room and everyone spontaneously got up and  joined hands in a circle around me.  I felt a tremendous force come through me, not unlike the birth force.  I truly thought she was going to die then...but she didn't.

Everyone went home about 11pm and we all went to bed in one room.  The baby was asleep in the portable cot and the other four of us were in the king size bed.  Michelle was Cheyne-Stoking (raspy breathing that kept stopping and starting again, which she'd been doing all day) so it was hopeless having her lying down.  Chris and I sat up in bed, taking turns holding her.  I begged God to come and take her,  I asked Michelle to fly away like a butterfly - anything, to put an end to hers and our misery.  At 3am I got out of bed to get a straight brandy each for Chris and me. When I came back he showed me how she had put her hand up to his chest.  That deeply touched us both.

The brandy relaxed us, and therefore her.  I said "Go to the angels" and instantly her breathing changed to a pattern similar to the breathing I did in labour and she died peacefully, within a few minutes in my arms at 3.20 a.m.

I let her go...the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

If you would like to know more, see this page on
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Click here for
A summary, with photos of Michelle's entire life
(please be warned two photos on that page were taken after she died)

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More Poems about when Michelle was dying

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