It's 2½ years now since Michelle died in November 1996.  I think for the first 6 months I was in shock.  We knew that she was going to die but when she did, nothing had prepared us for her death.  I think that nothing can really.  Then I guess the pain was so great that shock blocked it all off as a self-defense mechanism or I wouldn't have been able to function at all.

For the last 2½ years I think I have been living that grief every day of my life.  It has consumed my mind and prevented me from enjoying myself to the fullest.  I look on that situation now with regret and guilt instead of accepting that it wasn't my fault that I reacted in that way..it was just how I reacted to losing my child.  The next thing I want to address is not to be so hard on myself!

Anyway, because I have an injured back from lifting Michelle, I have been to an osteopath for quite awhile, but treatment didn't seem to last with me.  More recently, after falling off the office chair, I went to a different osteopath, closer to home.  He found that adjustments he did weren't staying too, so he tried a program he had learnt called Neurolinks, and found that my cortex was disconnected or something like that, and the messages weren't getting received by the brain when I had corrections done to my body.  Well over a few weeks of doing this program I feel like a different person, ready to move on to the next challenge in my life.  I've been doing the annual accounts and I'm amazed at how I can think clearly compared to last year, when I made so many errors.  What a relief that is.

I can see clearly now!

The poem below came to me today in the middle of doing my work:

(To the osteopath)

I've got my head back
Now it seems
Last year it was
Beyond my dreams

The second year
By far the worst
I lived my grief
Like I was cursed

The simplest thing
Confused my brain
I felt in total
Mental strain

Only now
That things are clear
I see how I'd been
Blocked last year

Just some weeks
Of Neurolinks
Has freed my cortex -
My brain thinks!!!

So Ken, I owe
A lot to you
For your dedication
To what you do

I feel that grief
Is in the past
Not "living" still
I am aghast

At how that grief
Controlled my life
I move on forward
Free from that strife.

Copyright © Sharon K 1999

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