I was going to visit a Butterfly Park on a Playcentre trip, where Monarch Butterflies are bred to keep the caterpillars safe from wasps and praying mantises.  The night before I was lying in bed thinking about it wondering how I would be able to walk through the enclosure with all the pain it would cause and I started crying.  The reason it was causing pain was because after Michelle died, someone gave us a Swan Plant, that Monarch Butterflies lay their eggs on.  I had many caterpillars and when they ate all the plant, I fed them daily with milk weed.  The first butterfly that emerged from it's chrysalis never flew - it died.  Then two emerged on what would have been Michelle's 6th birthday and flew away.  Now whenever I see a Monarch Butterfly, I think of Michelle.

I got out of bed and drew a picture using a drawing therapy technique I learned a few years ago, called Interactive Drawing,  and then I wrote this poem.  This healed me enough to be able to see the beauty in the wings of the butterflies the next day.  This is a description of the picture I drew: (it is too big for me to scan) 

I drew a beautiful blue butterfly and wrote "Why are you so blue?"
"You are so beautiful in your flight"
"More beautiful than in pain"......then I wrote "Freedom"
Then I drew my face looking at the butterfly and it was happy to my surprise, and I wrote:
"I see the beauty in your wings"
Then this poem came to me:


I see the beauty in your wings
As you soar above the earth
I feel the pain deep in my soul
That is a measure of your worth

If I didn't feel the pain I feel
That is tearing at me in my heart
I wouldn't know how much I loved you
Yet I knew it from the start

I will always have an empty feeling
I will invite it to be my friend
To learn to live with day by day
It will not leave me 'til the end

Where there's an end a new beginning
Shines a light in front of me
If I choose to break the circuit
Re-ignition becomes the key

And as the brillance re-emerges
Beauty fills the vast surround
I tread softly along the pathway
Firmly anchored to the ground.

Copyright  © Sharon K.1999

Joy Sawyer who "met" Michelle by visiting this site, has written some poems about Michelle and the most recent one came this week without her knowing anything about the above happening to me.  You can read her poem "The Visitor In My Heart" by clicking on the title.
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Music "Let It Be" midi file from Bob Mace