Anguish


I gotta let it out, don't wanna hold it in 
   It's just too big to smoulder there, it feels I'll never win 
   It always seems I cry so much, and never will it end 
   No matter how much pours from me, it's more than I intend 
   No one can understand my thoughts, no one can feel my pain 
   Because that pain belongs to me, and here it comes again 
   My body, oh, my body, how it aches to every nerve 
   My joints have seized, my cheeks are wet, tears run off every curve 
   My feet are standing in a pool of copious salty water 
   I've got to stop this crying, yes I do, I really oughta 
   So part of me is saying "Hey! you gotta let it out" 
   Another part is staying "Stop those tears, and don't you pout!" 
   So what to do? To cry or not? A see-saw of despair 
   I take a breath, I let it out, proceed to pull out hair 
   This anguish, can I let it go, can I leave it behind? 
   Can I just take a little step, attempt to free my mind? 
   This pain, it feels uncomfortable, I'll choose to let it go 
   It's so destructive to myself, I do not need this woe 
   I take that pain, I roll it up, create a painful ball 
   I throw that ball with all my might, it smashes on a wall 
   It bounces back, it hits me and it really knocks me flat 
   That self-created ball of pain that wants me in combat 
   So fight? I want to fight, I want my soul to self-destruct? 
   Well, that's an easy way to go, "Destroy!" I now instruct 
   Now motionless, now limp and lying crumpled on the floor 
   I feel no pain, I feel no sense of purpose, to the core 
   And in my silent pondering, I know it's not the way 
   So I'll rise up and surge ahead, perhaps another day. 

   Copyright © Sharon K. 2000

 

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