Sad, depraved picture of Angus MacSpon
Sad, depraved picture of Angus MacSpon
Scholars have been trying to discover the truth about Angus MacSpon for centuries. The earliest known treatise on the subject, Mack Sponn, or, Seckretes of Fyne Composte Makynge, dates from the year 1433. Its anonymous author was later burned at the stake. Similar fates have befallen other authors who have written about Angus MacSpon. Nobody knows why. Ha! Ha!
Over the years, a large number of theories have been proposed to answer the question, just who is Angus MacSpon? Among these theories are the following:
When asked about the truth of these theories, Angus MacSpon simply smiles, and invites the questioner to pay him large sums of money.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary (Fourth Edition), Angus MacSpon is a form of wheat husk found between the hooves of Nepalese musk oxen during the autumnal equinox.
The fourth edition of the OED, of course, is commonly known as the "Stupid" edition of the well-known reference work, and was caused by the publishing industry's most expensive ever computer error. (Volumes 6 through 9 alone are devoted to over 300,000 different definitions of the word "glug.")
As MacSpon specialists all over the world are quick to point out, this means that the definition quoted above is at least as likely to be true as any other.
In 1957, the renowned Egyptologist Derek Frazier, whilst conducting a seismic survey of the Great Pyramid, detected a hitherto-unknown cavity beneath the Grand Gallery, which had previously escaped discovery because it was sealed shut with plasticine.
Throbbing with excitement, Frazier opened the sealed cavity. Inside, carefully shielded in a protective wrapping of pages from the April 19th, 1973 edition of the New York Times, he found an ancient papyrus document describing the exact location of the last resting place of Angus MacSpon.
Unfortunately, before he could communicate this discovery to the rest of the world, Frazier lost the papyrus. If anybody finds it, could they please let him know at once.
Soon.
Angus says no. But then, he would, wouldn't he? Hmm. This is a tricky one.
Eleven.
Not just at the moment. Angus MacSpon was last radioactive on July 6th, 1643, at 11:36am, after eating one too many bowls of chicken soup. The fireball devastated several square kilometres of arable farmland, burned several major buildings to the ground (including the 1:3 scale model of the Empire State Building that a local farmer had made entirely out of his own toenail clippings) and severely singed Mr MacSpon's socks.
One hardly likes to speculate. However, strictly in the interests of scientific investigation, Mr MacSpon has agreed to undergo the experiment, if any reasonably attractive women care to try it.
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Last Update: 19 August, 2007. Page created and maintained by Angus MacSpon. |
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