Dotty the Cuckoo

Dotty a short-sighted cuckoo
Laid an egg in a discarded hat
A silly mistake, but easy to make
When your eyesight's as dodgy as that
An elderly tramp passed and saw it
And said "It's your lucky day Fred
A discarded hat, I think I'll have that
It's just the right size for me head"
Three weeks, night and day, Fred wore it
Til one day, in the pub with a beer
The hat rose, then fell, and Fred with a yell
Said "There's something just nibbled me ear!"
An old lady fainted, the barman went white
As a small yellow beak came in view
And the purple-nosed colonel said "Heavens, I'm tight
And it's only a quarter to two"
The hat was removed to reveal a small bird
Cried the landlord "Quick, phone reporters"
Said the bird "When you do, give my name
I'm Size Two, Harrods, Six and Three Quarters"

(Thanks to Allan Williams for sending these in)