In the late 80's, I perpetrated a matrimonial bail-out. I took two thirds of the record collection, gave away the furniture and most of the house. It was a good move, as there were no Lawyers, no financial disputes, no asset wrangles. Just the people to sort out.
However, I was careful to divvy up the vehicles, seeing as how I am rather acquisitive about vehicles. There were three motorbikes, and two cars. One car was a restoration project, and a non-runner. I kept the project and my Triumph, she kept her Moto Morini and our Wolseley - the Ducati was cashed up.
For a while I made do with my employers work vehicle - a CF Bedford van. When they were replacing the old CF's with Nissan C20's in the mid 80's, I found that I couldn't actually drive a C20 due to there being a slight geographical error. My knee and second gear needed to inhabit the same space. I decided that my knee was the odd one out, found a late model low mileage CF, and convinced the Boss that it was the smart move - it would save them 8 grand. He immediately agreed.
It was a lovely van - auto, space to burn, and the grunty 2.3 litre petrol engine that could climb tall buildings on idle. The ecstatic Kilroy immediately changed office.
I went one better. When the Power Company was finally amalgamated and moved to the city in 1990, I bought the Bedford and became self-employed. I still have it.
I then set about making sure that I used the best set of bits from the two vehicles, converted the wagon from manual to auto, which was a doddle, they were obviously designed to be either, and spent what dollars I could ill-afford in some engine work to ensure reliability - but mainly so that I wouldn't have to stuff with it again. While it was all stripped, I lowered it by a couple of inches both ends, added a few relays, replaced fuel hoses, got all the idiot lights working, and replaced the reflectors and Q/H lamps in the cibie biodes.
I got hold of my old mate Chris Bowden, who has an endless supply of such things, and he sent me a set of MkIII Zephyr pistons. I decided that the motor should be designed more for torque than revs, and got a fairly mild camshaft grind which they termed a 'daily performer'. Sounded rather like a laxative. Somewhere about here, the budget expired, so I did a rudimentary valve grind, and tossed the cylinder head back on much as it had left the Marina. This was not going to be an ultimate quest for horsepower - more a long-term hauler.
I discovered whilst checking for the inconsistencies of the steering dept, that there was provision for some type of sway bar. Sure enough, the manual echoed this. I checked under numerous examples in wreckers yards, but none were fitted. I ordered one from the UK, and as it happened, found one in a wreckers yard 1 week before the new one turned up! The one I found also had a rear sway bar fitted - but there were no mounting points to be found on the Estate, presumably because it had heavier rear springs. The sway bar is enormous - about 7/8inch section. Because it was fitted before the vehicle was going, I can only guess at the difference it must contribute, but the cornering is quite astounding now it is in place.
It is my considered opinion, that any car with standard wheels looks like crap. Some wheels don't look as good as others, but as long as they are at least 7" wide, you're starting to get the right visual effect. Wide wheels for marinas are not spread very thick on the earth. The mags that came with the HL were only 6" specimens, but worse, they had a small hub offset, so were several inches narrower than the body. This is very bad aesthetics. It also doesn't do much for lateral stability. I had seen some very pretty wheels which were reminiscent of the old minilites, which used to feature on Lotus Cortinas and the like. I tracked them down. They were called 'Superlites', and were made in South Australia. I ordered some to be specially drilled to suit the tiny Marina stud pattern, and specified the backspace I needed to get the outer edge flush with the body. They cost me $1000 bare. Lets face it, when you are starting with a handicap like a Marina, you have to go a bit over the odds to compensate. I was extremely pleased when I finally fitted them to the car - it almost looked like a real one.
Whilst the Insurance drama was unfolding, I was without a car again. 30 yards from my house, there was a Morris Marina sitting forlornly on the roadside. It had scruffy old mag wheels with a flat tyre, a vinyl roof that looked like a Russian wig, and was generally worse for wear. I tried the house opposite, and found the woman owner. The car didn't go, but she had registered it to prevent it being towed away. She had recently spent $900 on the auto.(???) She also needed a washing machine. I gave her one (washing machine you idiot), and towed the Marina down to my work yard. There was a wire off the starter motor. I bought a new battery, poured some fuel in to the float bowls, and it fired up straight away. It then stopped, as no more fuel came its way. Replaced the fuel pump and the water pump, and two weeks later we drove it up to Takaka for the weekend. It had REALLY GREAT SEATS! Apart from that, it was pretty disgusting to drive. Auto was excellent, motor was tired, handling was non-existent.
I will say here, that I knew a little about this model Marina. It was a 1.8HL, and I had noticed years before, that they had the unmistakeable, if highly muted, exhaust note of an MGB - a sound that I had always found attractive, and several times copied, so there was no mistake. Sure enough, the 1.8HL was a Mk1+1/2, and had a complete MGB motor. The twin SU's were only inch and a half though, and the cam was a very subdued unit, but it had the pukka exhaust manifold and twin headers. Had I not known about this, I would probably have bought a skateboard instead. I have subsequently discovered that this motor has a less robust crankshaft than the MGB, although I havn't managed to break it yet...
Over the next few months, I got familiar with the general layout of a Marina. They are bigger Morris Minors - complete with torsion-bar front suspension, an absolute nightmare of a rear half-shaft system, and generally hopeless in the front suspension/steering area. The auto is a Borg Warner 65, more commonly found behind a Jaguar, so no problems there. The front wheels still fly off if you neglect the greasing of the steering for too long - much as Minors did too. There are some critical bushes in the radius rods - these ones had totally vanished, so it wasn't hard to make a huge improvement in the steering dept. The cloth seats in the HL were badly worn, but still felt really out of place, as if they belonged in a much more expensive car. Quite nice dash layout, with matching speedo and tacho as standard, but junky switchgear. The clock and cigarette lighter both worked :)
Once the Hunter was rebuilt, it became the family car. This left me with one very unattractive Marina, whose street value was probably down to half a washing machine and a plastic bucket. I was loath to lose the $900 auto, and the MGB could be useful with the right mods, and I did still have a 48mm Dellorto sitting on a shelf in the workshop...
I decided to wreck the thing, and to keep the motor and auto for future reference. Not being a person who can sit still for too long, I had decided within a week that it might be clever to get myself a station wagon so that I had a spare work vehicle, should the Bedford require work. I found A Mk2 Marina wagon almost immediately, locally badged just as a Morris 1700. It had a very sick OHC motor, which was a rather queer beastie, and useful only as a doorstop. It was also the manual gearbox version. The Morris Marina manual gearbox is one of the marvels of the universe. It has a funny little magic wand thing sticking out the top. If you stir it about vigorously, an infinite number of ratios are obtainable. The magic wand is often observed to come away in ones hand. Avoid these things like the plague! I gave the OHC motor away to a suitably impressed but mentally challenged spotty lad on the understanding that he had to have the gearbox too.
I stripped the motor, bored, pistons, crank grind, bearings, alloy head repaired and new valve guides - the whole 9 yards. Even threw in a Sunbeam Alpine camshaft. It was smooth as silk from the first start. We took the inaugural drive around the harbour and over Gebbies Pass. On the way down the other side, the motor missed twice, then stopped. It was so sudden, it had to be ignition. Plucked off the disributor cap for an eyeball, and almost immediately found a small wire broken. For once, I was totally without tools. My boy wasn't. He had a toy pair of plastic slipjaw pliers. I used them to get the nut off the points terminal, and fixed the wire with the twistie thing that was holding our lunch closed. Off we went, and the Hunter never let us down again from that day. Still had bloody uncomfortable seats though. What was it with Hillmans!
Several years, new shocks and stereo later, there was an absolutely horrendous noise outside the house. A Bin truck got away from Farmer Bin, and headed off down the hill at high velocity. Pausing briefly to totally cream the Hunter over the kerb and into a power pole, it sped off swiping several more vehicles and taking out a major power pole before flipping just as it got to the main street.
When I got around to buying a car, it was a 1963 Singer Vogue. It was quite a good vehicle actually, but the seats were really uncomfortable, especially after the first 300 miles.. :)
As is my custom, I fitted an ignition kill switch - usually hidden somewhere handy under the dash. Because I was short of time, I left it hanging in the parcel tray, and just shoved the window-cleaning rag over it. Got up Sunday morning and looked out the window. No car! Shit! Got dressed and went out on the street. We lived towards the top of a hill, and there was the Vogue at the bottom. I walked down. Door was unlocked, but no damage. Turned the kill switch on, and drove it back up the hill. One nil to Kil :)
Oh bother. I did the usual drama with Farmer Bin's Insurance Company, told them I wanted the wreck, demanded they value it higher because the wrecker quotes they were going to get were for my new shocks, motor, stereo etc, not the faded paint. They agreed to pay me $815 and give the car back. I waited months and got nothing. Rang the Insurance and was told there would be no payout as the truck driver had not been found negligent, and it was therefore an 'act of god' that the handbrake cable had broken. I took them to the small claims court. I insisted that even though the driver was not negligent, that he left a heavily laden truck on a steep hill, relying only on the handbrake, and was therefore guilty of being fucking stupid! They agreed, and I got the lolly. I left the Court and returned to the Bedford to find a $150 fine for an expired wof.
Sometimes it all seems a bit uphill dontcha think?
After I got the Insurance money, I found one of the less common 4 headlight Hunters with a dead motor, and swapped all the bits over from the wreck. Also managed to find some twin CD Strombergs, a freeflow exhaust, and some 7" rostyles within the budget. This one had a 4 speed auto, and the thing really performed. My partner, who generally berates the boys for any sign of macho behaviour behind the wheel, found herself dragging the lads in their Honda Accords at the lights - and putting them down with relative ease I might add.
