Prince of Tennis/X Fusion

By Jaelle

Disclaimer: I have no excuse. They're not even mine!
Genre/Rating: Parody, PG.
Summary: Prince of Tennis meets X.

Author's Notes: Okay, so I'm a Clamp fangirl, and lately I've been a Prince of Tennis fangirl. This would not normally be a problem, except that it's getting a bit annoying every time I'm working on an X fanfic and write "Kamio" instead of "Kamui", and vice-versa when I'm writing a Prince of Tennis fic.

And then I started thinking about how irritating that was, and then I thought about what it would be like if you melded the two... and then... well, someone should have shot me, that's all I can say.

In Tokyo:

Kamio: Shinji... why did you kill Ann-chan?

Shinji: It's not my fault, I couldn't help it. It's just the way it goes, because I'm your twin star and fated to choose the other side whatever you do. It's all a bit stupid really, why do I have to wait for you to make a decision and get whatever's left over? So annoying.

Hanamura: Yes, but now you're the Kamio of the Dragons of Earth, and I shall carve you into a perfect work of art!

Shinji: *mumbling* Don't know why you're so obsessed with carving, has anyone seen my holy weapon?

Atobe: *hands Shinji a racquet* Here you go. It's fortunate you chose my side. With me helping, you'll definitely win, and then I shall take my prize, isn't that right Kabaji?

Kabaji: *dressed in a JSDF uniform* Yes.

Atobe: Of course I will. Ah, you're still so cute, Tezuka-kun.

Tezuka: ...

Inui: I gathered all the data and input it into Beast, and the odds of our winning are at 89.5%.

Yuuta: What does our dreamseer have to say about all of this?

Jirou: *snores*

Yuuta: ... He does wake up and give advice sometimes, right?

Atobe: Not so's I've noticed.

Yuuta: *muttering* I can't believe this guy defeated me.

Yanagisawa: *popping up* In fifteen minutes!

Yuuta: *kills Yanagisawa* I SAID STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT!

Yanagisawa: *gurgles* Is this how you treat your sempai? *dies*

Atobe: Nicely done, Yuuto.

Yuuta: That's YuutA, and thank you.

Atobe: It's not very artistic though.

Yuuta: Well we can't all have giant evil blood-sucking trees following us around just so they can scatter cherry blossoms everywhere.

Sakura Tree: Earth! Earth! Atobe! Atobe! The winner will be the Dragons of Earth! The winner will be Atobe!

Yuuta: ... Can I defect?

Mizuki: *who is wearing elaborate purple satin underwear* Certainly, Yuuta-kun. We of the Dragons of Heaven will be glad to welcome you to the cause of light and cleanliness.

Yuuta: ... Never mind.

Shinji: So rude to keep interupting me when I'm talking...


Shinji: Don't even know why you all want to be on my side. Not strong enough yet...

Shinjou: Because, you look like my father.

*Everyone looks between the two*

Atobe: What, really?

Shinjou: No.

Shinji: Didn't think so. Ah, how strange. I wonder where Kamio went.

Meanwhile, back at Clamp Campus:

Kachirou: Don't worry, we built this school specifically to protect the holy weapon! You can rely on us!

Katsuo: Everything is in place!

Horio: And with my two years of security experience...

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Kamio: I can't help but think that this is a bad idea.

Sengoku: Don't worry Rhythm-kun, I will always protect you! Because I can only die defending the girl I love...

Kaidou: And since he's in love with a new girl every day, he'll probably live forever.

Sengoku: You're so mean!

Kaidou: Shut up!

Sakuno: Um, excuse me?

Sengoku: Yes, Ryuzaki-hime?

Sakuno: I think there might be something bad going on at the Rainbow Bridge.

Kamio: Should we check it out?

Oishi: It's too dangerous for Kamio to leave the school. And besides, he has a test tomorrow in Literature to study for. You have to think about your future, Kamio.

Kamio: *sarcastically* Yes, because if by some miracle I manage to prevent the end of the world I'll have to worry about exams.

Oishi: Exactly! It's not like you can just decide to play tennis or something.

Kamio: Actually, that sounds pretty good...

Tezuka: Enough chattering. I'll go check it out. Oishi, Kaidou, Sengoku, you look after Kamio. Tomoko...

Tomoko: YAY! Pocky!

Tezuka: ... You stay here. Mizuki, you... where did he go?

Sengoku: He said something about a work-related soap injury.

*Mass sweatdrop - nobody wants to know*

Tezuka: Fine. I'll go by myself.

Oishi: Are you sure that's safe?

Tezuka: It's best to minimise the risk in order to prevent carelessness. I'll call if something happens.

At the Rainbow Bridge:

Atobe: So we meet again, Tezuka-kun.

Tezuka: ...

*Cellphone rings, Tezuka answers*

Inui: *over phone* Do you have any thoughts about the relationship between Tomoko and Kabaji?

Tezuka: *hangs up*

Atobe: Well, it appears that our destined battle is here. Naturally, the winner will be me!

*They do battle, and it seems to be fairly even, until...*

Atobe: Take this! My ultimate technique! Rondeau towards destruction!

*Cherry blossoms fly*

Tezuka: Atobe...

Atobe: *impaled on Tezuka's left arm* Damn you Fuji... you set me up.

Ghost of Fuji: Sorry, but I couldn't let you kill my beloved Tezuka. *his eyes gleam*

Atobe: Tezuka-kun... I... you... *the wind takes his last words away*

Ghost of Fuji: Oops. *evil grin*

Tezuka: This technique... exactly the same way that Atobe killed Fuji. Fuji... you did this... why?

Ghost of Fuji: Because I wanted you to win. And besides, Atobe picked on my little brother. I won't permit that to go unpunished!

Tezuka: Fuji... to die for such a reason... is incredibly careless. Go run fifty laps!

Ghost of Fuji: *laughs and jogs off*

*The other Dragons of Heaven arrive*

Kamio: Ryuzaki-hime got back in touch with us. Apparently she was being controlled by an evil old crone, who set this all up.

Mizuki: Tezuka-kun, are you alright?

Tezuka: *has gone deathly pale*

Oishi: Tezuka!

Tezuka: Mizuki-kun, put some clothes on. Oishi, Kaidou, if I could trouble you to remove Atobe's corpse? Gently please, this technique is difficult, and I believe that my arm has broken.

Sengoku: Ouch. So how do you feel about finally defeating your ultimate rival. Are you going to angst?

Tezuka: Atobe... is dead...

In the Dreamscape:

Tezuka: *stares into the distance* Atobe-san...

Ghost of Fuji: *appearing beside him* Don't give up on the future Tezuka! There's still a chance!

Jirou: *wakes up* WAAAAAHHH!!! It's FUJI!!! *begins to bounce around in joy* Fuji! Fuji! I'm so glad I get to see you again! Let's wake up and go play tennis!

Ghost of Fuji: I can't. I'm dead.

Jirou: *pouts* No fair!

Ghost of Fuji: You could always come with me and play.

Jirou: YAAAY!!!

*They leave to play tennis in the afterlife.*

Tezuka: ...

Back in reality:

Tezuka: No, I'm not going to angst.


And meanwhile, over in the Prince of Tennis universe:

Sorata: Check out my special move! Lightning serve! *he hits the ball and electricity flies everywhere*

Seiichirou: Sorata-kun, in this universe when lightning and winds and so on fly during the games, they're meant to be a metaphor.

Sorata: *standing in the middle of a very fried tennis court* Oops, my bad.

Seiichirou: *sighs* Go jump 20 laps around the city.

Sorata: *poings away*

Seiichirou: Oh well, it's not so bad here.


On a nearby court:

Seishirou: You look so cute in those shorts, Subaru-kun.

Subaru: ...




*is shot*

Bonus Scene: GenX88 kindly suggested that Hokuto could be the referee between Subaru and Seishirou's tennis match... and here's how it would have gone:

Subaru: NEESAN! The score CANNOT still be "Love-All"!!!

Hokuto: But isn't it always still love between you two?

Seishirou: Ah, Hokuto is so insightful.

Subaru: *fumes*

In case it wasn't obvious, the cast kind of broke down like this:

Dragons of Heaven:
Kamio (Kamui)
Tezuka (Subaru)
Sengoku (Sorata)
Mizuki (Karen)
Kaidou (Arashi - the hardest person to cast. Needless to say, there is no Sorata/Arashi relationship here)
Oishi (Seiichirou - heh, and Oishi's name is Syuuichirou! GOD DAMN IT, WHY ARE ALL THE NAMES SO SIMILAR!!!)
Tomoko (Yuzuriha - probably should have been Eiji, but then it would have been Eiji/Kabaji and I would have had to kill myself on the spot)

Dragons of Earth:
Shinji (Fuuma/Dark Kamui)
Atobe (Seishirou)
Yuuta (Yuuto)
Jirou (Kakyou)
Kabaji (Kusanagi)
Inui (Satsuki)
Shinjou (the guy from Jyousei Shounan who acts like a robot anyway) (Nataku)

Fuji (Hokuto (deceased))
Sakuno (Hinoto)
Ryuzaki (Evil Hinoto)
Ann (Kotori - I know, serious miscasting, but never mind))
Hanamura (Kanoe)
The Freshmen Trio (The CLAMP Campus trio)
Yanagisawa (Uhh... I just thought it would be funny to kill him... eh heh)

I tried to get some Rikkai people in there, but couldn't find anywhere appropriate. Nearly put Yukimura in as Nataku, and Sanada as Arashi, but... never mind. They're probably better off.

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