Prince
of Tennis/X Fusion
By Jaelle
Disclaimer: I have no excuse.
They're not even mine!
Genre/Rating: Parody, PG.
Summary: Prince of Tennis meets X.
Author's Notes: Okay, so I'm a
Clamp fangirl, and lately I've been a Prince of Tennis
fangirl. This would not normally be a problem, except that it's getting
a bit annoying every time I'm working on an X fanfic and write "Kamio"
instead of "Kamui", and vice-versa when I'm writing a Prince of Tennis
fic.
And
then I started thinking about how irritating that was, and then I
thought
about what it would be like if you melded the two... and then... well,
someone should have shot me, that's all I can say.
In Tokyo:
Kamio: Shinji... why did you kill
Ann-chan?
Shinji:
It's not my fault, I couldn't help it. It's just the way it goes,
because I'm your twin star and fated to choose the other side whatever
you do. It's all a bit stupid really, why do I have to wait for you to
make a decision and get whatever's left over? So annoying.
Hanamura: Yes, but now you're the
Kamio of the Dragons of Earth, and I shall carve you into a perfect
work of art!
Shinji: *mumbling* Don't know why
you're so obsessed with carving, has anyone seen my holy weapon?
Atobe:
*hands Shinji a racquet* Here you go. It's fortunate you chose my side.
With me helping, you'll definitely win, and then I shall take my prize,
isn't that right Kabaji?
Kabaji: *dressed in a JSDF uniform*
Yes.
Atobe: Of course I will. Ah, you're
still so cute, Tezuka-kun.
Tezuka: ...
Inui: I gathered all the data and
input it into Beast, and the odds of our winning are at 89.5%.
Yuuta: What does our dreamseer have
to say about all of this?
Jirou: *snores*
Yuuta: ... He does wake up and give
advice sometimes, right?
Atobe: Not so's I've noticed.
Yuuta: *muttering* I can't believe
this guy defeated me.
Yanagisawa: *popping up* In fifteen
minutes!
Yuuta: *kills Yanagisawa* I SAID
STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT!
Yanagisawa: *gurgles* Is this how
you treat your sempai? *dies*
Atobe: Nicely done, Yuuto.
Yuuta: That's YuutA, and thank you.
Atobe: It's not very artistic
though.
Yuuta:
Well we can't all have giant evil blood-sucking trees following us
around just so they can scatter cherry blossoms everywhere.
Sakura Tree: Earth! Earth! Atobe!
Atobe! The winner will be the Dragons of Earth! The winner will be
Atobe!
Yuuta: ... Can I defect?
Mizuki:
*who is wearing elaborate purple satin underwear* Certainly, Yuuta-kun.
We of the Dragons of Heaven will be glad to welcome you to the cause of
light and cleanliness.
Yuuta: ... Never mind.
Shinji: So rude to keep interupting
me when I'm talking...
Yuuta: YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING!
Shinji: Don't even know why you all
want to be on my side. Not strong enough yet...
Shinjou: Because, you look like my
father.
*Everyone looks between the two*
Atobe: What, really?
Shinjou: No.
Shinji: Didn't think so. Ah, how
strange. I wonder where Kamio went.
Meanwhile, back at Clamp Campus:
Kachirou: Don't worry, we built
this school specifically to protect the holy weapon! You can rely on us!
Katsuo: Everything is in place!
Horio: And with my two years of
security experience...
Everyone: SHUT UP!
Kamio: I can't help but think that
this is a bad idea.
Sengoku: Don't worry Rhythm-kun, I
will always protect you! Because I can only die defending the girl I
love...
Kaidou: And since he's in love with
a new girl every day, he'll probably live forever.
Sengoku: You're so mean!
Kaidou: Shut up!
Sakuno: Um, excuse me?
Sengoku: Yes, Ryuzaki-hime?
Sakuno: I think there might be
something bad going on at the Rainbow Bridge.
Kamio: Should we check it out?
Oishi:
It's too dangerous for Kamio to leave the school. And besides, he has a
test tomorrow in Literature to study for. You have to think about your
future, Kamio.
Kamio: *sarcastically* Yes, because
if by some miracle I manage to prevent the end of the world I'll have
to worry about exams.
Oishi: Exactly! It's not like you
can just decide to play tennis or something.
Kamio: Actually, that sounds pretty
good...
Tezuka: Enough chattering. I'll go
check it out. Oishi, Kaidou, Sengoku, you look after Kamio. Tomoko...
Tomoko: YAY! Pocky!
Tezuka: ... You stay here. Mizuki,
you... where did he go?
Sengoku: He said something about a
work-related soap injury.
*Mass sweatdrop - nobody wants to
know*
Tezuka: Fine. I'll go by myself.
Oishi: Are you sure that's safe?
Tezuka: It's best to minimise the
risk in order to prevent carelessness. I'll call if something happens.
At the Rainbow Bridge:
Atobe: So we meet again, Tezuka-kun.
Tezuka: ...
*Cellphone rings, Tezuka answers*
Inui: *over phone* Do you have any
thoughts about the relationship between Tomoko and Kabaji?
Tezuka: *hangs up*
Atobe: Well, it appears that our
destined battle is here. Naturally, the winner will be me!
*They do battle, and it seems to be
fairly even, until...*
Atobe: Take this! My ultimate
technique! Rondeau towards destruction!
*Cherry blossoms fly*
Tezuka: Atobe...
Atobe: *impaled on Tezuka's left
arm* Damn you Fuji... you set me up.
Ghost of Fuji: Sorry, but I
couldn't let you kill my beloved Tezuka. *his eyes gleam*
Atobe: Tezuka-kun... I... you...
*the wind takes his last words away*
Ghost of Fuji: Oops. *evil grin*
Tezuka: This technique... exactly
the same way that Atobe killed Fuji. Fuji... you did this... why?
Ghost
of Fuji: Because I wanted you to win. And besides, Atobe picked on my
little brother. I won't permit that to go unpunished!
Tezuka: Fuji... to die for such a
reason... is incredibly careless. Go run fifty laps!
Ghost of Fuji: *laughs and jogs off*
*The other Dragons of Heaven arrive*
Kamio: Ryuzaki-hime got back in
touch with us. Apparently she was being controlled by an evil old
crone, who set this all up.
Mizuki: Tezuka-kun, are you alright?
Tezuka: *has gone deathly pale*
Oishi: Tezuka!
Tezuka:
Mizuki-kun, put some clothes on. Oishi, Kaidou, if I could trouble you
to remove Atobe's corpse? Gently please, this technique is difficult,
and I believe that my arm has broken.
Sengoku: Ouch. So how do you feel
about finally defeating your ultimate rival. Are you going to angst?
Tezuka: Atobe... is dead...
In the Dreamscape:
Tezuka: *stares into the distance*
Atobe-san...
Ghost of Fuji: *appearing beside
him* Don't give up on the future Tezuka! There's still a chance!
Jirou:
*wakes up* WAAAAAHHH!!! It's FUJI!!! *begins to bounce around in joy*
Fuji! Fuji! I'm so glad I get to see you again! Let's wake up and go
play tennis!
Ghost of Fuji: I can't. I'm dead.
Jirou: *pouts* No fair!
Ghost of Fuji: You could always
come with me and play.
Jirou: YAAAY!!!
*They leave to play tennis in the
afterlife.*
Tezuka: ...
Back in reality:
Tezuka: No, I'm not going to angst.
**
And meanwhile, over in the Prince of
Tennis universe:
Sorata: Check out my special move!
Lightning serve! *he hits the ball and electricity flies everywhere*
Seiichirou:
Sorata-kun, in this universe when lightning and winds and so on fly
during the games, they're meant to be a metaphor.
Sorata: *standing in the middle of
a very fried tennis court* Oops, my bad.
Seiichirou: *sighs* Go jump 20 laps
around the city.
Sorata: *poings away*
Seiichirou: Oh well, it's not so
bad here.
**
On a nearby court:
Seishirou: You look so cute in
those shorts, Subaru-kun.
Subaru: ...
End!!!!
THERE IS NO MORE!!! THERE NEVER WILL BE ANY MORE!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
*is shot*
Bonus Scene: GenX88 kindly
suggested that Hokuto could be the referee between Subaru and
Seishirou's tennis match... and here's how it would have gone:
Subaru: NEESAN! The score CANNOT
still be "Love-All"!!!
Hokuto: But isn't it always still
love between you two?
Seishirou: Ah, Hokuto is so
insightful.
Subaru: *fumes*
In case it wasn't obvious, the cast
kind of broke down like this:
Dragons of Heaven:
Kamio (Kamui)
Tezuka (Subaru)
Sengoku (Sorata)
Mizuki (Karen)
Kaidou (Arashi - the hardest person
to cast. Needless to say, there is no Sorata/Arashi relationship here)
Oishi (Seiichirou - heh, and
Oishi's name is Syuuichirou! GOD DAMN IT, WHY ARE ALL THE NAMES SO
SIMILAR!!!)
Tomoko
(Yuzuriha - probably should have been Eiji, but then it would have been
Eiji/Kabaji and I would have had to kill myself on the spot)
Dragons of Earth:
Shinji (Fuuma/Dark Kamui)
Atobe (Seishirou)
Yuuta (Yuuto)
Jirou (Kakyou)
Kabaji (Kusanagi)
Inui (Satsuki)
Shinjou (the guy from Jyousei
Shounan who acts like a robot anyway) (Nataku)
Others:
Fuji (Hokuto (deceased))
Sakuno (Hinoto)
Ryuzaki (Evil Hinoto)
Ann (Kotori - I know, serious
miscasting, but never mind))
Hanamura (Kanoe)
The Freshmen Trio (The CLAMP Campus
trio)
Yanagisawa (Uhh... I just thought
it would be funny to kill him... eh heh)
I
tried to get some Rikkai people in there, but couldn't find anywhere
appropriate. Nearly put Yukimura in as Nataku, and Sanada as Arashi,
but... never mind. They're probably better off.