of Tennis/X Fusion
Disclaimer: I have no excuse.
They're not even mine!
Genre/Rating: Parody, PG.
Summary: Prince of Tennis meets X.
Author's Notes: Okay, so I'm a
Clamp fangirl, and lately I've been a Prince of Tennis
fangirl. This would not normally be a problem, except that it's getting
a bit annoying every time I'm working on an X fanfic and write "Kamio"
instead of "Kamui", and vice-versa when I'm writing a Prince of Tennis
then I started thinking about how irritating that was, and then I
about what it would be like if you melded the two... and then... well,
someone should have shot me, that's all I can say.
Kamio: Shinji... why did you kill
It's not my fault, I couldn't help it. It's just the way it goes,
because I'm your twin star and fated to choose the other side whatever
you do. It's all a bit stupid really, why do I have to wait for you to
make a decision and get whatever's left over? So annoying.
Hanamura: Yes, but now you're the
Kamio of the Dragons of Earth, and I shall carve you into a perfect
work of art!
Shinji: *mumbling* Don't know why
you're so obsessed with carving, has anyone seen my holy weapon?
*hands Shinji a racquet* Here you go. It's fortunate you chose my side.
With me helping, you'll definitely win, and then I shall take my prize,
isn't that right Kabaji?
Kabaji: *dressed in a JSDF uniform*
Atobe: Of course I will. Ah, you're
still so cute, Tezuka-kun.
Inui: I gathered all the data and
input it into Beast, and the odds of our winning are at 89.5%.
Yuuta: What does our dreamseer have
to say about all of this?
Yuuta: ... He does wake up and give
advice sometimes, right?
Atobe: Not so's I've noticed.
Yuuta: *muttering* I can't believe
this guy defeated me.
Yanagisawa: *popping up* In fifteen
Yuuta: *kills Yanagisawa* I SAID
STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT!
Yanagisawa: *gurgles* Is this how
you treat your sempai? *dies*
Atobe: Nicely done, Yuuto.
Yuuta: That's YuutA, and thank you.
Atobe: It's not very artistic
Well we can't all have giant evil blood-sucking trees following us
around just so they can scatter cherry blossoms everywhere.
Sakura Tree: Earth! Earth! Atobe!
Atobe! The winner will be the Dragons of Earth! The winner will be
Yuuta: ... Can I defect?
*who is wearing elaborate purple satin underwear* Certainly, Yuuta-kun.
We of the Dragons of Heaven will be glad to welcome you to the cause of
light and cleanliness.
Yuuta: ... Never mind.
Shinji: So rude to keep interupting
me when I'm talking...
Yuuta: YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING!
Shinji: Don't even know why you all
want to be on my side. Not strong enough yet...
Shinjou: Because, you look like my
*Everyone looks between the two*
Atobe: What, really?
Shinji: Didn't think so. Ah, how
strange. I wonder where Kamio went.
Meanwhile, back at Clamp Campus:
Kachirou: Don't worry, we built
this school specifically to protect the holy weapon! You can rely on us!
Katsuo: Everything is in place!
Horio: And with my two years of
Everyone: SHUT UP!
Kamio: I can't help but think that
this is a bad idea.
Sengoku: Don't worry Rhythm-kun, I
will always protect you! Because I can only die defending the girl I
Kaidou: And since he's in love with
a new girl every day, he'll probably live forever.
Sengoku: You're so mean!
Kaidou: Shut up!
Sakuno: Um, excuse me?
Sengoku: Yes, Ryuzaki-hime?
Sakuno: I think there might be
something bad going on at the Rainbow Bridge.
Kamio: Should we check it out?
It's too dangerous for Kamio to leave the school. And besides, he has a
test tomorrow in Literature to study for. You have to think about your
Kamio: *sarcastically* Yes, because
if by some miracle I manage to prevent the end of the world I'll have
to worry about exams.
Oishi: Exactly! It's not like you
can just decide to play tennis or something.
Kamio: Actually, that sounds pretty
Tezuka: Enough chattering. I'll go
check it out. Oishi, Kaidou, Sengoku, you look after Kamio. Tomoko...
Tomoko: YAY! Pocky!
Tezuka: ... You stay here. Mizuki,
you... where did he go?
Sengoku: He said something about a
work-related soap injury.
*Mass sweatdrop - nobody wants to
Tezuka: Fine. I'll go by myself.
Oishi: Are you sure that's safe?
Tezuka: It's best to minimise the
risk in order to prevent carelessness. I'll call if something happens.
At the Rainbow Bridge:
Atobe: So we meet again, Tezuka-kun.
*Cellphone rings, Tezuka answers*
Inui: *over phone* Do you have any
thoughts about the relationship between Tomoko and Kabaji?
Tezuka: *hangs up*
Atobe: Well, it appears that our
destined battle is here. Naturally, the winner will be me!
*They do battle, and it seems to be
fairly even, until...*
Atobe: Take this! My ultimate
technique! Rondeau towards destruction!
*Cherry blossoms fly*
Atobe: *impaled on Tezuka's left
arm* Damn you Fuji... you set me up.
Ghost of Fuji: Sorry, but I
couldn't let you kill my beloved Tezuka. *his eyes gleam*
Atobe: Tezuka-kun... I... you...
*the wind takes his last words away*
Ghost of Fuji: Oops. *evil grin*
Tezuka: This technique... exactly
the same way that Atobe killed Fuji. Fuji... you did this... why?
of Fuji: Because I wanted you to win. And besides, Atobe picked on my
little brother. I won't permit that to go unpunished!
Tezuka: Fuji... to die for such a
reason... is incredibly careless. Go run fifty laps!
Ghost of Fuji: *laughs and jogs off*
*The other Dragons of Heaven arrive*
Kamio: Ryuzaki-hime got back in
touch with us. Apparently she was being controlled by an evil old
crone, who set this all up.
Mizuki: Tezuka-kun, are you alright?
Tezuka: *has gone deathly pale*
Mizuki-kun, put some clothes on. Oishi, Kaidou, if I could trouble you
to remove Atobe's corpse? Gently please, this technique is difficult,
and I believe that my arm has broken.
Sengoku: Ouch. So how do you feel
about finally defeating your ultimate rival. Are you going to angst?
Tezuka: Atobe... is dead...
In the Dreamscape:
Tezuka: *stares into the distance*
Ghost of Fuji: *appearing beside
him* Don't give up on the future Tezuka! There's still a chance!
*wakes up* WAAAAAHHH!!! It's FUJI!!! *begins to bounce around in joy*
Fuji! Fuji! I'm so glad I get to see you again! Let's wake up and go
Ghost of Fuji: I can't. I'm dead.
Jirou: *pouts* No fair!
Ghost of Fuji: You could always
come with me and play.
*They leave to play tennis in the
Back in reality:
Tezuka: No, I'm not going to angst.
And meanwhile, over in the Prince of
Sorata: Check out my special move!
Lightning serve! *he hits the ball and electricity flies everywhere*
Sorata-kun, in this universe when lightning and winds and so on fly
during the games, they're meant to be a metaphor.
Sorata: *standing in the middle of
a very fried tennis court* Oops, my bad.
Seiichirou: *sighs* Go jump 20 laps
around the city.
Sorata: *poings away*
Seiichirou: Oh well, it's not so
On a nearby court:
Seishirou: You look so cute in
those shorts, Subaru-kun.
THERE IS NO MORE!!! THERE NEVER WILL BE ANY MORE!!!
Bonus Scene: GenX88 kindly
suggested that Hokuto could be the referee between Subaru and
Seishirou's tennis match... and here's how it would have gone:
Subaru: NEESAN! The score CANNOT
still be "Love-All"!!!
Hokuto: But isn't it always still
love between you two?
Seishirou: Ah, Hokuto is so
In case it wasn't obvious, the cast
kind of broke down like this:
Dragons of Heaven:
Kaidou (Arashi - the hardest person
to cast. Needless to say, there is no Sorata/Arashi relationship here)
Oishi (Seiichirou - heh, and
Oishi's name is Syuuichirou! GOD DAMN IT, WHY ARE ALL THE NAMES SO
(Yuzuriha - probably should have been Eiji, but then it would have been
Eiji/Kabaji and I would have had to kill myself on the spot)
Dragons of Earth:
Shinji (Fuuma/Dark Kamui)
Shinjou (the guy from Jyousei
Shounan who acts like a robot anyway) (Nataku)
Fuji (Hokuto (deceased))
Ryuzaki (Evil Hinoto)
Ann (Kotori - I know, serious
miscasting, but never mind))
The Freshmen Trio (The CLAMP Campus
Yanagisawa (Uhh... I just thought
it would be funny to kill him... eh heh)
tried to get some Rikkai people in there, but couldn't find anywhere
appropriate. Nearly put Yukimura in as Nataku, and Sanada as Arashi,
but... never mind. They're probably better off.