Mars Revenge
by Orla and Jaelle

Part Four of Five

This is a fanfic based on the original work by Naoko
Takeuchi, whose pink heart wands we are not fit to lick.
Even though she came up with Chibiusa (*hoick*).

A note, our Phobos and Deimos are not the Phobos and
Deimos of the manga story, they are our original
characters.

This story takes place during Sailor Moon Stars, after
the Inner Senshi have found out that the Three Lights
are the Starlights.

This is based on the anime version, in which the Three
Lights are male (until they transform anyway).

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!).
You can contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or
jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'
at: http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

Day Three:

Rei paused dramatically outside the large double-doors.
"Okay, minna, welcome to shoppers paradise! I encourage
you _all_ to spend as much as you can!"

"Great," said Deimos. "Where's the weapons section?"

Rei sighed. "There isn't a weapons section, Deimos. This
is New York's most famous department store!"

"They should have a weapons section then." said Deimos.
Phobos nodded.

Usagi sensed imminent explosion from Rei and grabbed the
brunette's arm. "Rei-chan, can you show me what make-up I
should buy so I look as sophisticated as you?"

"If you want sophisticated," said Yaten. "Ask Seiya."

"Hey!" said Seiya, Rei, Phobos and Deimos.

Rei tossed her hair and humphed, she strode through the
automatic doors as if she owned the place and led everyone
to the information counter.

"<I'd like to speak to the manager.>" she said to the woman
behind the counter. The woman looked up and studied Rei
closely taking in the exquisite Gucci clothes and Rei's
arrogant manner.

"<Just a minute, Miss, I shall call him immediately.>"

The rest of the group continued to gaze around with their
mouths wide open, except for Yaten who was trying to
remain cool and collected, however his right eyebrow kept
twitching.

The Manager came down and spoke briefly with Rei, he shook
her hand and went away with a huge smile on his face. Rei
turned back to the others.

"Okay, I've set it up so that we can go our separate ways.
When you go to purchase something just ask them to put it
on Rei Hino's account."

Makoto shook her head. "Rei-chan, I think this is going a
bit far, don't you think you've done enough."

"And we'll take this and this and this!" Phobos' voice
rang out.

Everyone turned and saw Phobos and Deimos tipping a pile
of cosmetics and perfumes onto the counter nearby.
Everyone  sweatdpopped. Rei gave Makoto a wide-eyed,
innocent look.

"I think it's a little late, ne Mako-chan?"

"Hai, hai..." Makoto shrugged. "Show me to the houseware
section."

"Whoohooo!" Minako yelled. "Show me the make-up!"

"Me too! Me too!" cried Usagi.

Seiya followed the two blondes, Rei glared at his
retreating back, but was diverted by Yaten who was studying
the store guide.

"Hmmmm... " he said. "Menswear... "

Rei looked at the guide. "Hmmm.... " she said.
"Womenswear... "

They strode off as one -for once in perfect accord.

Ami looked up at Taiki, he was sticking close to her and
eyeing the psycho twins who were heading in his direction.

"Ano... " Ami bit her lip. "I hear there is a really good
bookstore here."

Taiki flashed her a look of gratitude. "Excellent idea!
Let's go!" he grabbed her hand and bore her off to the
elevators.

Phobos and Deimos pouted. "Oh well," said Phobos. "What do
you want to do, sis?"

"There's a sports section, ne?"

"I guess, why?"

Deimos gave her sister a long suffering look. "Well, duh!
They sell things like baseball bats, right?"

Phobos grinned. "Maybe guns too."

"What is it with you and guns?"

"Me? What about you and chainsaws, explosions and... "

"You like blowing things up too!"

"Oh yeah?!"

"Yeah!"

Phobos shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so. Let's go." If any
other Japanese speakers had been in earshot, they could
have heard Phobos saying as they walked off, "And if they
_don't_ have any guns we can head off to the food and
houseware sections and I can show you how to make a nuclear
device out of common household materials."

"COOL!"

***

"Hmmmm..." said Rei. "Hmmm..." she looked at herself in the
mirror by the dressing racks and held up a red top.
"Hmmmm..." Then she held up a blue top. "Hmmm... Oh, this
is terrible! I can't decide!" She pouted. "Oh well, guess
I'll have to buy both of them." She threw the tops onto her
'yes' pile and picked up a patterned skirt. "Hmmm..."

Yaten wandered past. "Ergh." he said. "Not in a million
years. No. No! Wrong wrong wrong."

"What's wrong with it?" Rei was somewhat put out, she'd
kind of liked the rose pattern.

"It's not you," Yaten took the skirt out of her hands and
put it back. "Try this one."

Rei took the skirt between two fingers. "I _never_ wear
yellow! It makes me look like Minako!"

Yaten sighed. "It will brighten up your normally murky
look and draw attention to your legs."

"ECCHI!" Rei drew back.

"I am NOT ecchi!"

"Then why are you looking at my legs? And for that
matter - why are you in the women's section? Looking
for something for Star Healer?" Rei asked. "In which
case, shouldn't you be in the leather section?"

Yaten frowned. "For your information the men's section
is just over there. The assistant just directed me over
here for some reason."

"Gee, I wonder why... pretty boy." said Rei.

Yaten snarled. "I was just trying to do you a favour,
but go ahead, look like a tramp if you want too."

"A _what_?"

"You heard me!"

***

Usagi paused in her quest for the perfect lipstick. An
unknown fact: Usagi's hearing was quite good. "What was
that?"

"Nothing," said Seiya, whose hearing was even better.
"Say, why don't we get something to eat? The food
court's over there."

***

"Tramp! That's what I said," said Yaten. "All those short
and split skirts, not to mention the outspoken _loudmouth_
you behave... It's just not feminine!" *Okay, so I'm
exagerating a little... okay a lot, she deserved that!*

"I bow to your superior knowledge of what's feminine." Rei
mocked. *Who's HE calling a LOUDMOUTH??!!*

***

Taiki looked up, "What was that?

Ami had her head buried in a book. "Hmmm????"

"I said... ooooh! Quantum theory mechanics by Weston Ford!
I've been looking for that book for AGES! Mind if I read
over your shoulder?"

***

Yaten fumed. "God, you are SO arrogant!"

"ME??!!! What about YOU???!!! You... you... BOY!!!!" Rei
picked up her 'no' pile and threw it at him.

"Ack! Pastels! Noooooo! You'll pay for this you little
brat!" Yaten picked up a pile of store catalogues and
flung them at her.

Rei ducked. "BAKA!" She slapped him. "How dare you?"

***

Phobos and Deimos felt a great disturbance in the
force.

"The boss is pissed," said Deimos.

"Yep." said Phobos.

"_Really_ pissed."

"Yep."

They looked at each other, then blurred into movement.
The man at the counter looked in stunned surprise at
the hockey sticks, pucks, baseball bats, darts and
skis that piled up in front of him. Phobos and Deimos
grinned widely at him.

"That's to go."

***

Usagi bit her fingernail. "You know, I think this has
gone a little far."

"Yep," said Seiya.

"Should we try to break it up?" asked Minako.

The trio stared at the fight. The Macys staff had
thoughtfully fenced Rei and Yaten off from the rest of
the store and were calmly handing out magazines as
the battle raged on.

"I like living," said Seiya. "Who wants second helpings?"

"I'm all for that," said Makoto, who had just arrived.

"Yup," said Minako.

"I'd like to," said Usagi. "But... Rei's my friend."

They looked at the blurring mess.

"Can I make a suggestion?" asked Makoto.

"Sure."

"Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss."

Usagi rolled her eyes. "It's not THAT bad."

"It's about to get worse." Minako pointed. Phobos and
Deimos, carrying various sports implements and a female
mannequin had just entered the womenswear section.

"Damn." Usagi took a deep breath. "Okay, here goes!"
She rushed into the battle. "Rei! Yaten! STOP! Onegai?"
A stray fist brushed her hair.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"Argh!" Phobos and Deimos dropped their loads. "The
NOISE!!!"

Two powerful jets of water shot from Usagi's eyes and
blasted directly into Rei and Yaten.

"Bleurgh!" said Yaten. "Someone make her stop! Doesn't
she have an off switch?"

"Shut up Yaten," said Rei, putting her arm around Usagi.
"What's wrong Usagi?"

"*Sniffffff* You're... *sniff, sniffle, choke* *mumble*
WHY REI WHY? *SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFF* Waaaaaaahhhh!!!"

"Okay, that made absolutely NO sense at all." said Rei.
"Usagi, please stop crying."

Yaten was about to make an acid remark when he caught
a look from Usagi's eyes. They were so huge, and deep,
and tears glimmered in them. And also a large, strong
arm had just wrapped itself around his throat.

"Brother mine, let's go discuss what happens to people
who fight with or make girls cry," said Seiya, the voice
of doom.

*Uh oh.*

***

Rei licked her spoon. "First of all I want to apologise to
everyone for that terrible display of childishness back
there." she put the spoon down. "Yaten, you should be
ashamed."

"Why is it all _my_ fault?"

Rei smiled sweetly. "You made that comment about my
skirt."

"It was ugly!"

"It was _not_!"

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

"*sniff*"

Yaten and Rei gulped and looked nervously at Usagi. Rei
tapped her fingers on the table, blushed slightly and
peeped at Yaten through her lashes. "Gomen, Yaten."

Yaten blinked. "Huh?"

"Where shall we go now?" asked Minako. "Tiffanys?"

"Not unless you want to see Yaten and Rei fight about
jewellery." said Seiya dryly. "How about something safer?"

Deimos smiled. "A weapons store!" she suggested. "I'd love
a new flamethrower."

Rei glared at Deimos. "No matter how much you beg I am NOT
buying you a flamethrower!"

Makoto frowned. "Where's Ami?"

***

"Ah, the theses on relativity, exploring the ideas of... "

"I think this one is better, Taiki-kun."

"Hmmm... yes, Marlew's Study of the Mind."

***

"Never mind." said Rei. "She's with Taiki, I'm sure she's
having fun."

Minako scowled. "That's what I'm worried about!"

Usagi flicked through Rei's guide book. "Hey, Wall Street!
Wasn't there a film about that? What happens there?"

Rei sighed. "It's only the most famous money-making street
in the world!" she thought for a moment. "Actually that
would be a good place to go next."

"It's probably pretty boring," added Makoto. "Shall we go
there for a quick looksee and then come back and shop some
more?"

"Hai!"

Seiya nodded. "Hai, the New York stock exchange, can't get
much safer than that."

***

Chaos reigns at the stockmarket as prices rise, rise,
rise... and fall. Usagi and Minako press tightly up
against the glass of the observation room and watch as
fortunes are made and lost in the space of second. Rei,
Seiya and Makoto watch the numbers change erratically.
Yaten closes his eyes and listens to the cacophony. The
economic future of the world (or at least a fair amount
of it) hangs in the balance until...

"Where are Phobos and Deimos?"

"#%)(*#%@)#*&%@_(#%&_#(*%&)@$)(*$)_(#@$*_(^%*&#)!!!!!!!"

"REI!!!"

Clouds of dust are kicked up as Rei sprints down to the
floor, grabs Phobos and Deimos (who are doing the macarena
to the tune of "Buy! Sell! Buy! Sell!") and flees from the
building. The others quickly follow.

"Weapons shop," Rei gasped. "Okay. We'll go."

And so the day passed uneventfully.

*BOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!*

Relatively uneventfully.

At about three o'clock, the gang staggered back to Macys,
dispersed, bought clothes, makeup and other things in
staggering amounts (well, they didn't have time to check
the items properly so they just bought them) and finally
uncovered (metaphorically) Taiki and Ami in the bookstore.

"You spent the whole day in here?" Rei asked incredulously.

Taiki and Ami had blissful expressions on their faces. "It
was wonderful! We had such a good time, I didn't even
notice the time going by!" Ami enthused. "And LOOK at all
these great books! Heidigger, Heinlein, Heffenschnauzer..."

Taiki took up the list, "Genetical Engineering by Dolly,
CGI your way to success by George Lucas, Psychology - the
aromatherapy theory, Where does belly-button lint come
from, and more importantly, where does it go?, The Magical
Mystery Hibiki Tour, by Jaelle and Orla." he frowned. "How
did that one get in there? Anyway... _lots_ of books."

Rei's frown lessened.

"Lots and LOTS of books," said Ami.

Rei beamed. "Well, I guess that's okay then." She looked
around at the piles of books. "I guess we can just leave
these for the staff to put back."

"Uh... these are the ones we want."

Rei looked at the shelves. They were almost empty. She
looked at the floor. It was almost full.

"Okay... we'll have the staff pack them up and send them
to the hotel." she said. "Now, who wants dinner?"

"MEEEEEE!" sang out Usagi and Minako.

"Aside from the obvious votes, who _else_ wants dinner?"

***

After a near unanimous vote (the lone holdout being
Deimos, who wanted plastic explosives) the group headed
for, of all things, the most expensive, most exclusive,
_Japanese_ restaurant in New York.

"Why Rei?" asked Taiki.

Rei showed him in the menu. Taiki glanced at the offerings,
then the prices. "Whoooo.... I realise that you're trying
to annoy your father, but... hey! They've got fugu!"

"WHERE?" demanded Rei, snatching the menu back. "Waiter!
We'll have a plate of fugu each for a starter."

"Isn't that pufferfish?" asked Seiya.

"Yup."

"But we could DIE!!!"

"It's explosive?" asked Deimos.

"Don't be such a wimp," said Phobos. "If it's deadly it has
to be good."

Everyone sweatdropped.

Happily the fugu was very well prepared and no one died.
Then they moved on to the subsequent main courses.

"Mmmm... Sashimi teishoku." Seiya sighed.

"Zaru-soba!" exclaimed Minako.

"Nigiri-zushi... oishii!" Usagi fell to with her usual
table manners.

"Ahhh... Unaji." Yaten and Rei said simultaneously, they
stared at each other.

"Chirashi-zushi." Ami picked up her chopsticks.

"Tempura teishoku." Taiki smiled.

"Yudofu teishoku... great!" Makoto winked.

"Do they do burgers?" asked Phobos.

"What is this junk?" Deimos asked poking the stuff on her
plate.

Rei glared. "It's Shabu shabu, it's very good. EAT!!!!"

The psycho twins sighed. "Oh well, can't be any worse than
the stuff we eat at home." said Phobos.

Deimos wrinkled her eyebrows. "But we don't eat at home."

"Exactly."

***

Eventually the main meal was disposed of. The group took
a breather.

"Ah," said Rei. "Now... who wants dessert?" She opened the
dessert menu.

Usagi signalled the waiter. "I'll have a _large_ bowl of
strawberries and cream."

Rei put the menu down. "Usagi! The point of this is to
order expensive stuff!!!"

"When was the last time you had strawberries and cream
Rei?" Usagi asked calmly.

"Uh... ages ago." said Rei.

"Exactly. That's because they're _out of season_. They have
to import these from New Zealand! They're _expensive_,
trust me."

"How do you know this stuff?" asked Seiya.

"I may not know math or literature... but when it comes to
food, I'm the expert!" said Usagi with a grin.

Rei shrugged, "Well, I always knew you had to be good at
_something_. Strawberries anyone?"

"Thank you Rei... Hey!"

***

"Ugh... I couldn't eat another bite." said Yaten.

"I don't want to ever ever ever EVER see another
strawberry!" said Minako.

"Look Minako!" Phobos showed her a strawberry.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

"Digest... digest..." said Seiya. "Ugh... we're going to
put on a million pounds and all our fans will abandon us."

"Uhhhhh..." said Taiki.

Rei came back to the table.

"You took long enough in the bathroom," Yaten commented.
"What were you doing, putting your face back on."

Rei glared at him. "I was feeling a little guilty up
until now. But after that... They've got a karaoke room
everyone - and I've signed us in for the evening."

"Let me get this straight. You drag us around shopping,
argue with Yaten, spend huge amounts of money on us,
bring us to New York and put us up in a high class hotel,
then stuff us full of good food and now you want us to
_sing_???!!!" Taiki said.

"Yes."

"Okay, just wanted to make sure."

"Geez Taiki, the way to your heart really is through your
stomach." said Usagi.

"Look who's talking, _dumpling_."

"WHAT???!!!"

"Good tones Usagi," said Rei. "You can be first up."

"Awwww...." Usagi whined.

"Come on Usagi," said Rei. "Do a duet with me!"

"Oh... okay..."

The group filed off to the karaoke room.

***

Usagi: "You say you're cool and you're strong,
          You say you'll lead, and I should tag along.
  But would you cry, you'd be a mess,
  If we showed up at a party in the same new
   dress."

Rei:  "You say you're brave sailor scout,
  But it's too late to tell me that you don't
   ditz out.
  Cos spacey things that you've said,
  Prove that you've got moonrocks rolling in
   your head!"

Chorus: "Who do you think you are?
  Who do you think you are?
  You say you're the best by far,
  Who do you think you are?"

Makoto flicked through the karaoke songbook. "This song
describes them so well you'd think it was written about
them!" she whispered to Ami.

Ami nodded. "Look, they even have karaoke versions of the
Three Light's songs."

"Wow," Minako grabbed the book. "Oooh... I want to sing
Shooting Star with Yaten."

Yaten, who was trying to act unimpressed with Rei and
Usagi's performance, heard her and paled. He grabbed
Seiya's arm. "We'll all sing _together_, okay?"

Seiya looked at him. "Are you kidding, we do that anyway,
I'm going to do a duet with Usagi."

"But then I'll get stuck with Minako! And you know what
_her_ voice is like."

"So ask Rei, she's pretty good."

Yaten scowled. "Never."

  "Who do you think you are!"

Usagi and Rei finished and bowed as their friends applauded.

"That was soooo cool boss!" said Deimos.

"Come on sis!" Phobos lept up. "Us next."

"Can I sing?"

"We'll find out."

Taiki shuddered and closed his eyes. "Oh the horror."

Phobos flicked through the selections. "Hey this one looks
good."

Deimos looked over her shoulder and promptly collapsed on
the floor, giggling madly. The Three Lights gulped, the
girls looked nervous.

Phobos cleared her throat as the music started up.

Phobos: Let's get down to business-
  To defeat the Huns
  Did they send me daughters
  When I asked for sons?
  You're the saddest bunch
  I ever met
  But you can bet
  before we're through
  Mister, I'll make a man
  out of you.

The girls collapsed in laughter, the Three Lights started to
sulk. Deimos picked up the song.

Deimos: Tranquil as a forest
  But on fire within
  Once you find your centre
  You are sure to win
  You're a spineless, pale
  pathetic lot
  And you haven't got a clue
  Somehow I'll make a man
  out of you!

Seiya sighed. "And I thought sleeping in the same room as
you two was hell."

"Yeah, this is much worse." said Yaten, then he glared at
Seiya. "Hey!"

Phobos and Deimos: Be a man
    With all the strength
    of a raging fire
    Mysterious as the
    Dark side of the moooooooonnnnnn!"

Yaten groaned and buried his face in his hands. "Ugh. What
could be worse than this?"

"My turn! It's my turn!" yelled Minako.

Taiki hit his brother with a cushion. "You had to ask."

"Hey, it can't be as bad as that." said Seiya.

Minako fiddled with the karaoke machine and input her
selection. Soft, gentle music began to play.

"Oh no," said Yaten. "It's much MUCH worse."

Minako: "Every night in my dreams, I see you, I
   feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel you...
  That is how I know you, go oooooooonnnn..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

***

"Bed... sleeeeep... sanity... sanity! Where are you!"

"Stop dramatising Yaten!" Seiya snapped. "Look on the
bright side."

"What bright side?"

"We didn't have to do the duet with Minako."

"Only cos Phobos and Deimos blew up the karaoke machine!"

"Rei was pretty happy."

"She paid the damages," said Taiki. "Vastly inflated
damages." he headed into their room, his two brothers
following him.

"Night everyone!" Seiya yelled as he closed the door firmly
behind him. A few minutes later, all three men were soundly
asleep.

*SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!*
*SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!*

Seiya slept the sleep of the innocent. Or the sleep of
the guilty who have thought ahead and bought earplugs.

***

Usagi curled up in her bed and listened to her friends'
deep, sleeping breaths.

"Usagi?"

"Rei-chan," Usagi whispered. "Can't you sleep?"

"Am I doing the right thing?"

Usagi paused. "You're asking _my_ advice. Who are you and
what have you done with the real Rei?"

"Funny dumpling, funny. Seriously, am I doing the right
thing?" asked Rei, staring at the ceiling.

Usagi thought about this. "Yes and no. I can understand
_why_ you're doing this. But it's a rather extreme call
for attention."

"Why do you think I want _his_ attention?" Rei snapped.

"Don't you?"

***

End of Day Three

The songs were:

Usagi and Rei: Raye and Serena's song from Lunarock,
"Who Do You Think You Are?"

Deimos and Phobos: "I'll Make a Man Out of You", from
the Mulan soundtrack.

Minako: "My Heart Will Go On", does anyone not know
what this song is from? What rock have you been hiding
under? Titanic soundtrack.

All songs copyright respective people.

Go on to Part Five

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