Lost in the Jungle
by Orla


Disclaimer: All characters are copyright... etc... etc... I lay no claim so don't sue me! ^_^


"We're lost."

"We are _not_ lost."

"We _are_ lost!"

"We ARE NOT lost!!!"

"Wufei, we've been walking for hours and we haven't reached the temple yet! It's getting dark and it's starting to rain. We. Are. Lost!" Sally practically shrieked.

"Onna! I know _exactly_ where we are! We are NOT lost! You are just being hysterical... like all women! I can read this map and I will find this temple!" Wufei went on to rant in this vein for the next five minutes.

Sally, feeling the rain water starting to trickle down her neck, gave up. "Fine, fine... you win. We aren't lost." She sighed.

Wufei smirked. "I knew you'd see it my way," he said triumphantly and started walking.

Sally followed, eyeing his jacketed form with disfavour.

***
One hour later:

"Wufei... are you sure we're not going in circles?"

"ONNA!!! WE ARE NOT LOST!!!"

***
Two hours later:

Tramping through the jungle, brushing aside creepers and continuously wiping water from her face, Sally began to mutter under her breath.

"Must not choke partner... must not shoot partner... must not flambe partner... must not skewer partner... must not... eep!" A strangled sound worked it's way out of Sally's mouth as a snake dangled in front of her eyes.

*Oh... _fuck_. Okay, options... scream... shoot Wufei... faint... strangle Wufei...*

The snake hissed.

Sally screamed and ran full tilt into Wufei and grabbed him.

"Ack... ugh... O-on-na... wha...?" Wufei struggled to breathe through Sally's deathgrip on his throat.

"S-s-s-s-s-s-snake!" she choked and pointed.

With difficultly Wufei unlatched her fingers and looked in the direction she was pointing, He laughed.

Sally blinked and stared at him. "You think this is _funny_?" she demanded indignantly, fumbling for her gun.

Wufei didn't see this, he was too busy laughing. "Sally, you were scared of a _vine_!"

Sally looked over to where she had seen the snake. There was a large, thick mottled vine hanging there. She went red. "There _was_ a snake!" she insisted.

"Of course there was," said Wufei in an indulgent voice. Sally resisted the urge to kick him in a sensitive area... it was _very_ hard to resist.

"Let's keep going," said Wufei picking up the map and illuminating it. "We'll be at the temple in ten minutes."

Sally looked back at the vine and then followed after Wufei. "There definately _was_ a snake!" she muttered.

***
Half an hour later:

"Wufei, if we aren't lost, explain that!"

Wufei frowned and turned to Sally. She was standing by a large tree and indicating a strip of white cloth that was tied to a branch.

"What is that?" he asked.

Sally removed it and held it out to him. "Take a look," she said grimly.

Wufei looked. It was a handkerchief with the name 'Sally Po' embroided on it. He blinked.

"I tied that to this tree _two hours_ ago!" said Sally. "Now do you believe that we're walking around in circles?!"

There was a long, long silence.

Finally, Wufei spoke.

"We're lost."

Sally almost collapsed in relief. "_Thank_ you _so_ much for agreeing with me!" she snarled sarcastically. "If you had just _admitted_ this three _hours_ ago we wouldn't have had to march around in the rain while you told me I was a silly, hysterical woman who couldn't READ A MAP!!!!"

Wufei's expression was... well, expressionless. "You're upset, aren't you," he said slowly.

"YES!!!!"

Wufei's eyes flashed. "Very well, onna! YOU lead us!"

Sally swiped the map from him. "Thank you!"

***
Half an hour later:

"Sally, we're at the tree..."

"I know! I know!!! Argh!"

"Hn. I knew you couldn't do it!"

"Wufei, _you_ dragged us around for THREE hours! I don't think you have any right to complain after just 30 minutes!"

"Onna! I _know_ my rights!"

"Any more of that and this map will be somewhere very uncomfortable... for you!"

"Onna!"

"At least it's stopped raining..."

"Onna! Are you listening to me?"

"No... watch that branch."

*Snap!*

"Kisama!!!!"

"Oh... Wufei did that branch hit you? I'm soooo sorry!"

"Grrr..."

***
An hour later:

Sally threw the map away in a fit of anger and disgust. Wufei watched it hurtle into the bushes.

"That was mature," he remarked.

"_That's it_!" muttered Sally glaring at him. "I am going to kill you now!"

Wufei held up a hand. "Before you attempt the impossible, listen!"

Sally paused and heard...

Laughter. Lots of laughter.

"What in the world...?"

Sally and Wufei looked at each other and then very quietly they drew out their guns and advanced.

Pushing carefully through the undergrowth they both saw a flicker of light. As they parted some particularly thick bushes the source of the light became obvious.

Sally blinked. "A pool?"

Wufei stared. "An _olympic size_ pool?"

"And there are all these people..."

"In swimsuits. Dancing, eating, talking and drinking?"

Sally looked beyond the pool and saw a large mansion. Coming out of the mansion and around the pool was a familiar figure.

"Quatre Raberba Winner?!" They both chorused.

Quatre heard his name and looked over. He smiled and ran towards them. "Sally! Wufei! What are _you_ doing here?"

Wufei and Sally stared at him in a rather stupified fashion.

"I don't know," said Sally. "We came into the jungle to find this temple and got l...Mmmph!"

Wufei clamped his hand firmly over Sally's mouth. "Never mind that, what is this place?"

"Oh, it's a small country home that belongs to my family," said Quatre. "Come on and join us, you both look as if you could do with a rest! How did you get so... so... muddy anyway?"

"This idiot onna couldn't read the map and... ow! OW!!! ONNA!!!!"

Trowa joined Quatre. "Ah, Wufei and Sally..." he blinked. "Why is she kicking him in the shins and trying to strangle him?"

Quatre shook his head. "I don't know, I always thought their relationship was kind of odd."

That evening, for a very long time, the nightime peace of the jungle was shattered with cries.

"ONNA!!!! OW! STOP IT! ONNA!!!!!"



The End

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