Hakuba's Crown Jewels
A Kaitou Kid Fic
By Jaelle


All belong to Gosho Aoyama. I own three strawberry lollipops and a lot of Buffy videos. You can't have them.


Concentrating fiercely, Kaito crossed his eyes, raised one eyebrow and lowered the other, scrunched up his nose, pursed his lips, and waggled his ears all at once.

"For the love of God Kaito, stop making faces at the nice men with the automatic weapons," Aoko sighed in exasperation.

"Just give me a sec, I can do a better one."

"When Hakuba told you that the Yeomen Warders are trained so strictly that they never change their expressions, it wasn't intended as a personal challenge," Aoko scolded, dragging him away. "Now come on, let's go and see the main exhibit before he perishes from nerves."

Hakuba glared at Kaito as the boy was hauled over. "Did I mention that Anne Boleyn was _executed_ right over there," he said meaningfully, eyes never leaving Kaito.

"_Yes_. Not to mention any number of other people, all of whose executions you have described to me in loving detail," Kaito snapped back. "I _got_ it already Hakuba, I'll _behave_."

"I should never have brought him here," Hakuba moaned.

"At least we're all together," Akako said. "And we could hardly have come to visit you and your family in England and NOT go to the Tower of London."

"It's so interesting," Aoko enthused. "But I still think I liked Buckingham Palace better. Too bad we couldn't go in for a tour."

Kaito snickered, Hakuba jumped and went paler, and Akako smacked Kaito upside the head.

"Ow!"

The teenage witch gave him a meaningful glare as Hakuba's newly developed facial tick kicked in.

"Did I remember to tell you how the Crown Jewels are one of the greatest treasures of Britain, and that if anything ever happened to them I could not be held responsible for my actions?" Hakuba demanded.

Kaito sighed. "Look, nothing is going to happen to your precious Crown Jewels, alright?"

"And if Kid the Phantom Thief were to try and steal them..."

"THE KID IS NOT HERE!" Kaito shouted. "THE KID IS IN JAPAN! ALSO, I AM NOT THE KID! STOP PANICKING AND LET'S GO SEE THESE JEWELS ALREADY!"

Slowly, Hakuba turned and led them towards the hall where the jewels were kept on display. Onlookers took in his slumped shoulders and pale pallor and wondered if he was going to his _own_ execution.

Akako waited for Aoko to be distracted by another photo opportunity and poked Kaito sharply in the ribs. "You promised."

"I promised and I'll keep my word!" Kaito snapped back. "No games, no jokes, no magic tricks. I will look at the jewels, and ooh and ahh and take photos like a good little Japanese tourist. Okay?"

"Actually I don't think you're allowed to take photos..."

"Then I'll buy a postcard!"

"Yes, yes," Akako said. "Just be very quiet, Hakuba's extremely nervous right now."

"Hakuba's gone completely around the _bend_," Kaito grouched. "I can't even make fun of him, he's so tense."

"Just relax, lie back, and think of England," Akako replied.

Hakuba's shoulders slowly rose as they entered the Jewel House. Falling into his role as tour guide and host, he began to expound on the history of the Crown Jewels.

"... the Coronation regalia had to be replaced after the originals were destroyed during the creation of the Commonwealth in the late 1600s. Among the jewels are the Imperial State Crown, the Imperial Crown of India, the Royal Sceptre and..." Hakuba's voice trailed off as they reached the display.

It was empty.

There was a long pause.

It extended.

Slowly, Hakuba's eyes tracked over to Kaito, who was staring blankly at where the display should be. He took a long, slow breath.

"You."

"Me," Kaito responded absently. "What? No! Not me! Not me at all! I swear!"

"The Crown Jewels, one of the great prizes of Great Britain, my country," froth was beginning to form at the corner of Hakuba's lips. "You... you... I'll KILL YOU!!!"

Kaito started running.

"RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!"

With that incoherent scream of rage, Hakuba plunged after the thief. Akako frowned and was about to join in when Aoko grabbed her arm.

"What does that sign say?" Aoko demanded. "Your English is better than mine."

Squinting, the two girls stared at the sign in the middle of display, and slowly made out the words:

"Removed for cleaning."

They turned to watch Hakuba attempting to climb up the stone wall to get Kaito, who was clinging to a light fitting on the ceiling, yelling that he didn't do it.

"Should we tell them?" Akako asked.

Aoko considered. "I think it will be good for Hakuba to let off some steam. He bottles up too much. We wouldn't want him collapsing from stress or getting an ulcer or something."

"No, we wouldn't want that, would we?"

The two girls began to walk out of the Jewel House.

"So, since we're in England, what should we do?" Aoko asked.

Akako considered it.

"Tea?"

"Okay."

Later that afternoon, Kaito made history when a guard, watching as he streaked past with his clothes nearly torn off him and trying to fend off Hakuba's attacks, blinked twice in surprise.

Fortunately noone noticed.

End.

**

Author's Notes:

I actually went to the Tower of London a few years ago when on holiday in England with Orla, who was living there at the time, and we did indeed see the Crown Jewels. Very pretty, especially the Royal Sceptre, which kind of looks like a magical girl transformation baton (strange, but true). I don't remember it very well, unfortunately, so I had to look up some info on it, and any errors are entirely my fault (I'm fairly sure they had automatic weapons, but that could be due to either a faulty memory or the fact that I know exactly nothing about gun types).

And I really do have postcards of the display, as well as other junky mementos. I'm such a tourist :-). (Jaelle's cry everywhere they went: "I want trashy souvenirs!")

I originally intended to finish the story at the reading of the sign, but then when I put the guards in at the beginning I thought it would be nice to have them at the end. They really don't change expression you know. The special guards for the Crown Jewels are known either as Yeomen Warders or, more colloquially, Beefeaters.

Useful Information about the Tower of London came from http://www.tower-of-london.com/


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