Fire In The Hold

by Jaelle and Orla
(the insane twins and drooling Matrix fans)


This story is set after the last episode of season three and before the Mainframers go off after Daemon. It occurs after
our previous fanfic: House Hunt (plug plug).

If you're looking for something serious, involving death and depression, go away. You won't find it here. What you will
find is immense silliness (and pure evil). Enjoy.

This is a FANFIC, and all the characters in this story belong to Mainframe Entertainment who we worship fervently
and for whom we wish long-life and financial success in their works so that they can make season four *gasp for air*. No
copyright infringement is meant by this fanfic, we love you guys, really.


I come from the Games

I have searched through systems, places and people

with this sprite, Matrix, my love,

to find this place, Mainframe.

My Format, Game Sprite,

To combat and triumph.

REBOOT!


"Another day another war meeting," Matrix grumbled. "When are we going to see some action?" The muscular green man punched one hand into the other.

"I would have thought you'd seen enough action for a lifetime by now," said Bob, rubbing his tired eyes. "I thought you wanted to relax."

"Relax, yes. Calcify, no." Matrix glared around the walls of the Principal Office. The staff noticed him looking and cowered in fear.

"Ignore him Bob," butted in AndrAIa, patting Matrix on the back. "If he doesn't get to shoot something every other second he gets all gwumpy."

"Gwumpy?"

"Don't ask." said Matrix. He turned to AndrAIa, "You would remember _that_."

A spark of light glinted off AndrAIa's teeth as she smiled at him. *Ting* Then she looked at Bob, who shook his head and smiled at her.

"Are you alright Bob?" she asked concernedly. "You look... tired."

"Oh I'm fine. Great. Alphanumeric! Couldn't be better. I'm totally processing at full speed. Better even... has anyone seen my energy shake?"

Matrix looked at him worriedly, "Uh, Bob, you're holding it."

Bob looked at his left hand. "Oh yeah," he gulped back the shake. "Can someone get me another please?" Suddenly his legs collapsed beneath him. "Better make it a double," he said from the floor.

Matrix and AndrAIa looked at each other. "I think you need to go home and shut down for a while." said AndrAIa. "You're looking pretty worn."

"Who me?" Bob shook off her hand and stood up. "I'm fine, I told you. Didn't you see me in that game? I was jamming, I was slamming..."

"You almost shot an own goal Bob." reminded Matrix.

"Everyone makes mistakes." Bob shrugged sheepishly.

"Right now we can't afford mistakes." another voice said.

"Dot!" Bob turned and held out his arms for his girlfriend. "These two think I'm not processing fully... tell them how wrong they are."

Dot looked up into the Guardians' face. "Unfortunately, I can't."

"What?"

"I agree with them Bob. What with the endless planning sessions you're having for the war with Daemon, the games you're playing and fixing your car, you're running out of energy faster than you can recharge."

Bob's face had gone from surprised to shocked to denial and finally resigned as she said this. He sighed.

"I know. But this is all stuff I have to do. Well, except the car."

Dot put her arms around him. "Bob, we're on the verge of a war with a virus that has taken over the entire Guardian collective! We're still waiting for reinforcements... which we don't even know will come! We can't afford to lose you, the only uncorrupted Guardian. We need you. _I_ need you!"

"But... but..." Bob said. "_Someone_ has to play the Games."

"Ahem."

Both sprites turned around.

"Excuse me." said Matrix, waving. "Hello there. _We_ can play the Games. Hey, we _compiled_ in the Games."

"No!" said Dot. "It's too dangerous!"

Matrix and AndrAIa started laughing. "Dot, we're probably safer in the Games than here! We can go into Game Sprite mode remember?"

"Besides," added AndrAIa, "Matrix keeps breaking things. He needs to work some of those unused muscles. Like the ones in his head."

"Yeah that's right... wwaaaaaait a nano..." Matrix glared at his girlfriend, who blew him a kiss. "But I love you anyway lover," she said.

"Thanks." he said dryly. "But seriously Bob," he turned back to his mentor... his hero. "They need you here more than they need you in the Games. Let AndrAIa and me handle it."

"Okay okay," said Bob. "I'll let you two kids... just kidding Matrix, put the gun down now... you two can take over for a while. I admit, a rest would be nice." He collapsed, unconcious.

"Man, he meant it literally." said AndrAIa.

Bob started to snore.

"Oh my processors he's worse than you!"

"Enough already!"

"Fine, I'll stop now." AndrAIa linked her arm around Matrixs'. "Why don't we go see how the house is doing? It's not that I don't trust Mike... I take that back... I don't trust Mike and I want to make sure things are going okay. Okay?"

"Okay." Matrix stood up and looked down at his sister. "Can you handle things here?"

"Oh sure Matrix," said Dot. "Don't forget, I organised the rebellion. I think I can organise one Guardian into bed. Take care now." She reached up and kissed Matrix on the cheek. "Check in tomorrow at 0900 for an update."

"Gotcha. Let's go see what the little weasel's been doing," said Matrix.

Matrix and AndrAIa left the Principal Office and strolled down the walkway. They were suddenly interrupted in the middle of their conversation by two frantic voices.

"Go faster, go faster! She's coming!"

"I am going faster, I'm going as faster as I can."

"It's not fast enough!"

"It is, I am fast."

"Oh... no." Matrix groaned. "What is with those two now?"

"Watch out, lover, they're coming straight at us!"

"You two... STOP!!!" Matrix yelled, he put out his hands.

*THUD* *WHAM*

"Slash?"

"Yes, Hack?"

"I think we just ran into Enzo."

"Oh, the poor little fellow."

"No, it's the big one."

"Oh, I think we're in trouble now."

Matrix sat up. "You..." His eye glowed red and he brought up his gun. "You null-brains! Do I look like a road to you?"

"No, you look like a big green fellow."

"With a big black gun, which you're pointing at us."

"Matrix." AndrAIa grabbed his arm and forced the gun down. "They didn't mean it, don't overreact."

Matrix reholstered the gun, and folding his arms glared at Hack and Slash, who started to tremble.

"What were you running from anyway?"

"Her!"

"Her who?"

"Matrix! Have you seen Bob?"

"Oh... Her."

Matrix turned around and gazed into the 'sweetly' smiling face of the virus (reformed) Hexidecimal.

"Uh... he's not available right now, Hexidecimal." he said, he could just imagine Dot's reaction if Hexidecimal came visiting!

"Oh, that's too bad, I brought some biscuits just for him. Would you like some?"

(Aaaagh!!) "No, thanks. I just... ate."

By this time Hack and Slash had taken the opportunity to flee towards the Principal Office. AndrAIa watched them go and grinned, then she frowned. "Umm... Matrix, do you hear..."

"Just a nano AndrAIa. Look Hex, I don't think..."

*WARNING, INCOMING GAME*  *WARNING, INCOMING GAME*

"Oh, _alphanumeric_."

"Oh my, how... entertaining!"

"Isn't this just too convenient," muttered AndrAIa as the Game Cube descended on them. There was no time to push Hex away as they were engulfed by the purple energy.

***

Matrix looked around, he was sitting in a large chair in a small enclosed space. He noticed the blinking lights and frowned.

"Great. Another submarine game. I _hate_ these, I always hit my head!"

AndrAIa laughed. "Never mind, lover. Lets go!"

"REBOOT!!"

Matrix adjusted his captains hat and paused. "Did I hear a third voice?" he wondered aloud.

AndrAIa, in the uniform of First Mate, tapped his shoulder and pointed towards navigation. "Captain, we have a problem."

"Ooh, isn't this fun!" Hex grinned at them over the navigational controls.

"This is bad, _very_ bad! Hexidecimal, you're... you're the navigation officer!"

"Really? What does that do? Does it blow things up?"

"We're doomed."

"Alright, Enzo, calm down. We've played this game before. All we have to do is stop the User from destroying the proto-type super submarine. How bad can it be?"

"Yeah, this is BASIC."

"So what does this button do? Oh well, might as well just push it and find out!" cackled Hex. Matrix cried out, "NOOO... That's full ahead! You're not supposed to use that above water.... AAAAHHH"

He was thrown back as the sub accelerated and began to rock from side to side. AndrAIa crashed into him and clung for dear life.

"I... I take it back, it's bad!"

"Hex! Press the dive button!"

"Which one is that?" Hex was holding onto the contol panel with her claws. "Oh well..." She started flicking switchs and pushing buttons with wild abandon.

"NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!" screamed Matrix and AndrAIa.

Then, miraculously, the rocking, the plunging and the speed stopped.

Matrix and AndrAIa looked at each other and released their death grips.

"What happened?" Matrix approached Hex who grinned at him. "This is much easier!"

Matrix looked at her claws that were sunk into the, now red, navigational controls.

"You _infected_ the controls? I didn't know you could do that."

"I never needed to before. Besides, it's sooo boring. Anyway, I wanted to find out what this red blinking thing is."

Matrix looked at the radar. "That's the User!"

"Is that the one we have to kill?" Hex's mouth stretched into a big smile exposing her needle-shap teeth.

AndrAIa looked at a map of the underwater area. "There's a trench we can hide in, if we...."

"Oh who cares?!" Hex's eyes blazed. "Lets' just ram it!"

AndrAIa tried to take control of the sub away from Hex. None of the controls would obey. "She's infected everything!"

"Ah HA HA HA HA!!"

Matrix activated the intercom. "Engineering! Cut the power!"

"Huh?"

"What did he say?"

Matrix glared at the intercom. "Those voices sounded familiar..."

"Matrix! Brace yourself!" cried AndrAIa

Screaming with laughter Hex rammed the User's sub.

*KABOOM!!!*

*****

Matrix's head broke above the waves, he gulped in the fresh air. He looked around frantically.

"AndrAIa! ANDRAIA!!"

"What?"

Matrix turned and found AndrAIa treading water behind him, she looked highly annoyed. "Are you alright?" he asked

"Of course I am. I can _breathe_ underwater, remember?"

"Uh... yeah... I knew that."

"Good. Have you spotted Hex? Or the User?"

Matrix shook his head

AndrAIa bit her lip. "The Users' second life will have started, and he'll be heading for the island, where the super sub is."

"Just what we need." Matrix grinned evilly. "Now, how to get there..."

"I could swim it." said AndrAIa, she looked at Matix. "But you..."

"Don't worry about me." said Matrix roughly. "You get going, I'll catch up."

"Stay frosty, Sparky!" AndrAIa kissed his cheek and then dived underwater.

Matrix started to swim. He hoped that something (anything) would come along for him to use soon. At times like this he really wanted a keytool of his own! A working one.

Then he had a feeling that he was no longer alone. It was the wave that nearly swamped him that tipped him off. Matrix turned and looked up at the prow of an enormous battleship.

"Ahoy down there! Mr Matrix, we are throwing you a line."

A large rope came down, Matrix grabbed the end. "Pull!"

Slowly he was hauled onboard. As he climbed over the side he nooded his thanks at the fifteen exhusted binomes who had pulled him up. The chief of security for the Principal Office, who was in the uniform of a naval commander, came up to Matrix and saluted.

"Sir! Welcome aboard the DiCaprio. Hearing of your plight we came as quickly as we could, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Who did you hear this from? Hexidecimal?"

"Is she in the Game?!" cried the binome. "Oh no!"

Matrix was puzzled, if it wasn't Hex who had told them, then who...?

"Hello, big green fellow."

"It's Matrix, don't insult him, he might shoot us!"

"I wasn't insulting him."

Matrix heaved a sigh, _now_ he knew what the problem had been in engineering. Slowly he turned around, and his jaw dropped.

Two _really_ buff blond guys, wearing nothing but red and blue speedos, stood before him grinning stupidly.

"Hello, it is us, Hack and Slash. I am Hack and he is Slash," said the one in red speedos.

"I am Slash and he is Hack." said the one in blue.

"I told him that already!"

"SHUT UP! Both of you!" yelled Matrix. "How did you get here?"

"Oh, we flew."

"Yup, straight up into the sky."

"When the submarine blew up, we flew up."

"Then we landed on the ship."

"Hard on the ship."

"It hurt."

"Alot."

"Right." said Matrix. "Okay, have you seen Hexidecimal?"

"She's here?" Hack and Slash yelped and clung to each other, shaking.

Matrix winced. "I didn't need to see that." He turned to the Chief. "What's the situation."

"The User is bearing 49 degrees by 38. We've been placing depth charges and expect the User to hit them soon."

"Good, that's showing initiative." said Matrix, as he walked away a binome began to mop up the water that had dripped from him. A penguin walked past it.

Matrix leant over the side and looked into the water. "Well, they seem to have things under control, right AndrAIa?.... Oh no."

*BOOM*

***

(A few nanos earlier)

AndrAIa dived deep into the water and paused. She closed her eyes and 'listened' with her sensitive ears. A faint water vibration alerted her to the Users direction and she began swimming swiftly.

As she pulled through the water music began to play around her.

"They call her 'drAIa, AndrAIa, faster than T1.
 No one you see, is smarter than she..."

AndrAIa stopped swimming and swirled around. "What in the Net?" There was silence, she shrugged and contined, "I must be going random, I'm hearing things now!"

The music began again.

"And you know 'drAIa, lives in a world full of danger,
 But she's not a stranger, to risking her life."

AndrAIa sighed in annoyance. "Oh yeah. I forgot, Games these seconds have to have soundbytes. It makes it so _hard_ to process!"

She managed to ignore the music and concentrate on finding the User. Luck was with her as she caught up with the Users sub quite quickly, and found it besiged by the Game Sprites all in diving outfits. The Game Sprites were equipped with hand-held motors and harpoons, but they were not having much success damaging the sub.

AndrAIa assessed the situation. She didn't have the equipment to permanently stop the User, but if she could slow him down then she might be able to reach the super sub first.

"But how to slow him? If only I had my trident! I could ram it into the propellers of the User's sub." She sighed and swam aside to avoid a Game Sprite which had be knocked away by the User. A harpoon and hand-held motor drifted towards her. "Hmmm..."

A nano later, AndrAIa surveyed her work. "This should put a virus in the system." She carefully positioned her make-shift weapon, the harpoon tied to the motor. Narrowing her eyes she aimed it at the User's propellers and let it go. The harpoon shot straight forward and hit the target dead on. AndrAIa giggled as the sub began to falter.

"Time to get my bearings." She thought, "Better head for the surface."

AndrAIa broke through the waves in a fluid movement. To her excitement she saw the island that held the super sub in the distance.

"Alphanumeric!"

"I am sooo glad to see you, AndrAIa, I was getting so very bored."

AndrAIa's pleasure took a swift downturn when she heard that voice. She turned in the water and was confronted by the sight of Hexidecimal sitting in a bright orange life-raft.

"Uh... hi, Hexidecimal. How long have you been there?"

"Too long!" Hex's eyes glowed red. "There's nothing to do on this boat, and I've almost run out of tea!" She held up a dainty tea-cup.

AndrAIa stared, where had that come from? Oh, well, that wasn't important, winning the Game was! She scanned the life-raft and noticed a small packet by Hex.

"There is something you could do that you might find entertaining, Hex." AndrAIa smiled at the virus. "We need to let Matrix know  where we are, so could you start setting off the alert flares?"

"Oooh! I love fireworks! So pretty, and interesting!" Hex opened the packet and cackled.

"Maybe this wasn't my best idea." muttered AndrAIa. "Uh... I'll go down and slow up the User some more. Please be careful."

"Why thank you for your concern, AndrAIa, but I'll be just fine." Hex smiled sweetly. "Byee"

AndrAIa dived back down. She reached the User's sub just as it began to move forward. "Oh no! The User must have picked up the extra points allowing him to repair quickly, cursors _CURSORS_!"

She shook herself. "Calm down, process smoothly, there must be a... hey, what am I leaning on?" AndrAIa looked behind her. "Oh, it's an armed depth charge, ready to blow any... AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

She began to swim frantically upwards. "Cursors, Cursors, CURSORS!"

Hex watched the beautiful sprite break through the water. "I've set the flares off." she said brightly. "So very pretty. Is something the matter?"

"YES!" AndrAIa grabbed the side of the raft. "We have to get out of here right...."

*KABOOM!!!*

***

Matrix stood at the prow of the destroyer scanning the sea with worried eyes. He could see the goal, the island, in the distance but it was AndrAIa he wanted to see more.

Then there was a loud explosion. A huge column of water shot upwards, the resulting waves as the water crashed back down rocking the destroyer. Matrix gripped the railing, behind him he heard Hack and Slash begin to babble.

"That was a loud noise."

"I hate loud noises."

"I hate them more."

"ANDRAIA!!" cried Matrix.

In answer he heard a voice screaming. "CUUURRRRSSSSOOOOORRRSSSS!"

*THUD*

AndrAIa dazedly looked up at Matrix from her position in his outstretched arms. "Hi, lover, miss me?"

"WWWWHHHHHEEEEE!!"

"What is that?"

"Oh, that'd be Hex."

*THUD*

"Hack, we caught something."

"Its not a something, it's a person."

"It's a female person."

"Oh my, _hello_ boys!"

"She's touching me!"

"I hate that."

AndrAIa leaned on Matrix and stared at the ReBooted Hack and Slash. "Oh my processors! Who are they?"

Matrix told her, she stared harder. Hack and Slash began to fidget nervously under the concentrated stares of both AndrAIa and Hex.

"Did we do something wrong?"

"I think so, they are staring."

"But they are smiling!"

"I don't like those smiles."

Matrix waved a hand in front of AndrAIa's eyes. "Hey, HEY!"

She turned to him, a little half-smile on her face. "They look good..." Matrix glared at her, AndrAIa cleared her throat. "Uh... I mean, it's good that we have some extra help... heh..."

Hex lifted an eyebrow at Hack and Slash. "And here I thought you two were simply my dear departed brother's metallic idiots. Looks like you can be much much more interesting." She giggled.

Matrix groaned. "_Alphanumeric_"

"Mr Matrix, sir!" the Chief called to him. "I think we've managed to hit the User!"

One of the other binomes lept up and down. "Ze Capatain has scared the User out of ze water!"

Matrix and AndrAIa looked in the direction the Chief indicated and saw the User's sub surface looking battered.

Matrix frowned. "But the Game isn't finished, the User must still be alive."

AndrAIa snapped her fingers. "Oh, I am soo eight-bit! Don't you remember one of the pieces of equipment the User could pick up during the Game was a Water-Land Tank? Betcha code that's what he escaped in!"

"And the depth charges wouldn't have the same effect on a WLT, if they reached it at all!" Matrix clenched his fist. "Cursors!"

"Do we have anything to chase him in?" AndrAIa looked at the Chief. "We've lost a few nanos already."

"There is the helicopter." The Chief pointed to a bright, shining helicopter a few metres away from them.

"Why didn't you mention that before!"

The binome shrugged in that helpless way only binomes could.

Matrix shook his head. "Never mind. Lets go and delete that User!"

"What about _them_?" AndrAIa pointed to Hack and Slash who were trying to get away from Hex.

"If we leave without attracting their attention then we might stand a chance of winning this Game!"

"Enzo, that isn't very nice."

"Good!" He stalked towards the helicopter, grabbing a helmet from a helpful binome.

AndrAIa turned to the Chief. "Tell Hexidecimal to stay here and keep an eye on Hack and Slash." She ran after Matrix.

The Chief stared after her and then glanced at Hex who was cackling and Hack and Slash who were holding on to each other and trembling. "_Tell_ Hexidecimal? Does she think I'm random?"

****

The helicopter zoomed towards the island, AndrAIa piloted while Matrix scanned for the User. He took his gaze off the sea for a nano to smile at her.

"This is the way it should be."

"Hmmm?"

"Just you and me, no one else."

AndrAIa gave him a sultry sidelong glance and smiled. Matrix winked and turned back to his observation, he tensed.

"AndrAIa! The User is on the beach!"

"I'm on it, lover!" AndrAIa manouvered the 'copter towards the beach where the Users WLT was slowly moving. Matrix aimed the 'copter's gun.

"Hold it steady."

"Working... Oh!" A flash of fire erupted from the WLT. "He's firing!" She flew up and to one side, narrowly avoiding the missile.

Matrix fired a few shots, but the 'copter was too far away to make a mark. "Can you get closer?" he yelled.

AndrAIa avoided another missle. "Working!" She flew the 'copter around and swung in front of the WLT. Matrix fired again causing the WLT to move back towards the water.

"But what can we do once we've pushed him back?" AndrAIa wondered aloud.

"Don't you worry about that AndrAIa dear!"

"Hex?!" Matrix and AndrAIa jumped slightly as the virus' voice came over the radio.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Where are you?" Matrix asked.

"Oh, just look down at the sea."

They looked and saw Hack, Slash and Hexidecimal on the water on...

"Jet-skis." said Matrix. "They forgot to mention the jet-skis."

AndrAIa grinned. "This is perfect... They can keep the User busy while we grab the super sub!"

"You trust _them_?"

"What choice do we have, Enzo?"

"None, I guess, and call me Matrix!"

Matrix rolled his eyes. "Okay, Hack, Slash, you keep the user busy, Hex... just... do what you do."

"Okay boss!"

"Yeah boss!"

The two henchnomes/sprites concentrated and began to weave from side to side on their jetskis.

"We'll make you proud of us boss!"

"Boss? Boss? NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" howled Matrix.

As they moved from side to side, music started up and Matrix went dark green as he heard the words.

"YOUNG SPRITE, are you listening to me, I said
 YOUNG SPRITE, you're all compiled and free.
 You should GO NOW, go and beat the User,
 Just don't blow, your, fu-ser...

 *beat beat beat beat beat*

 Matrix Matrix man,
 They wanna be, like Matrix man.
 Matrix Matrix man,
 They wanna be like Matrix!"

Matrix put his head in his hands and AndrAIa bent over laughing hysterically. He lifted his head and groaned, "Cursored sound bytes... ANDRAIA! LOOK OUT!!!"

"Laughing... too... hard..." gasped AndrAIa. She looked up to see the ground rushing towards them.

"Give me the controls!" yelled Matrix.

"I can't let go.... bwaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa...."

*KABOOM!* (again)

AndrAIa sat up and spat sand out of her mouth. "Argh! That's the third time I've been blown up in this game!" She snickered, "But really, Matrix man?"

Matrix sighed and sat up. He looked around. "I wonder how the dim twins are going. Not to mention Hex."

On cue, a soundbyte started.

"I'm a virus girl, in a gaming world...
 Laughing manic, don't you panic.
 I can touch you there, infect you everywhere,
 Infestation, this is my creation."

"Oh CURSORS!!!!!"

"Aren't we overusing this word?"

"We don't have any other swear words."

"How about (*&%&*%^()*#&$)*(?"

"AndrAIa!"

"Tally ho!"

They looked up to see Hex, astride the Users WLT tank, now a lovely shade of virus red.

"Onwards! Thar it blows! The supersub!"

"NO HEX! IF YOU GET THE SUPERSUB WE'LL LOSE oh what's the use?!" Matrix said. "Come on. I spent minutes getting back to Mainframe, I don't want to be 111 by the time I get back again!"

He and AndrAIa set off. "What about Hex?" she asked.

"We'll bomb that bridge when we get to it."

"But I like Hex."

Matrix glanced at her. "Are you ok? She didn't infect you did she?"

"No, of course not! It's just... well... she may be insane, but I don't think she's that bad." explained AndrAIa as they ran towards the bunker holding the super sub. She gave Matrix a sly look. "Besides, Bob made Phong give her an icon, he wouldn't have done that if he thought she was really evil, would he?"

"That was a low shot AndrAIa." Matrix growled.

Off to their right the infected User and Hex had stopped charging forward and they were now going around in circles. The cause of this was Hack and Slash who were still on the jet-skis and were, somehow, managing to block the WLT's progress. Hex didn't seem too upset, she continued to cackle manacially.

AndrAIa and Matrix looked at each other. "They are being useful, aren't they?" AndrAIa grinned.

Matrix shook his head. "I never thought I'd be grateful to those two!"

"Now, why don't we see about defending that supersub."

"And I know just how."

"The old proverb in action again?"

"Copy and paste!"

***

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" screamed Hex, slapping her thigh. She looked down at Hack and Slash. Their buff bodies lay on the sand amidst the wreckage of their jetskis which had rained down around them after Hex had scored a direct hit with one of her missiles.

"Now I have you at my mercy!" cackled Hex. "Mmmmmm..."

She looked up as the DiCaprio lurched into the harbour.

"Fire one!" yelled the Captain.

"I say Binky, the Captain says fire one."

"Jolly good show, sir." said Binky. "Biscuit?"

"Where on earth did you get biscuits from?"

They both looked at the binome shaped biscuits. Binky looked up, "Tea sir?"

***

Hex smiled, revealing glistening sharply pointed teeth.

"FIRE EVERYTHING!" she cried. Missiles, torpedoes and a solitary frozen chicken flew out of the cannons. The DiCaprio lurched as the missiles hit it on its starboard side, tearing gaping holes. Binky and Algernon ducked and stared as the frozen chicken smashed through their viewscreen, over Algies' head, through the seat back and embedded itself in the wall behind them.

"Good grief. We're being shelled!"

"What fowl play!"

***

The DiCaprio began to list severely to one side, then cracked majestically in half, and sunk faster than a certain other Antipodean ship we could mention.

Matrixs' eye narrowed. "They sunk my battleship!"

"Aw, never mind. You still have your rubber duckie," said AndrAIa.

He snarled at her. "This means WAR!"

"It was a joke, it was..."

"Not you. Fire!"

Hex jerked violently to one side as missiles rent her tank. She looked up to see the Supersub come about and target her again.

"Oh dear."

*KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

("Matrix, don't you think that that was just a little overkill?" "There's no such thing as overkill!")

*Game Over*

Matrix and AndrAIa looked up as the game cube ascended into the heavens.

"Thank the User that's over." said Matrix. "A stupider, sillier, more pathetic game I have never seen."

"I liked it." said AndrAIa.

"BOSS!"

"AGH!" *zoom*

Hack and Slash chased after Matrix's swiftly fleeing shape.

Hex floated down to AndrAIa. "Fish finger?"

"AGH!"

Hex chased after AndrAIa's swiftly fleeing figure.

Bob looked out the window of his apartment. "I just saw Hack and Slash chasing Matrix who was screaming, 'No, no, you can't make me' pass Hex who was chasing AndrAIa who was screaming 'Don't blow me up again!'"

Dot pushed him back onto the pillows and felt his forehead. "No more pizzabytes before bed." she said, and pulled the curtains.

The End.


Apologies:

We'd like to apologise to Aqua, Flipper and the Village People. We really had no excuse. Also apologies to Leonardo DiCaprio and the Goon Show for filching their chicken jokes. We'd also like to apologies to the game Battleship and the movie the Hunt for Red October, and also to any Russians reading this, we can't do a Russian accent. Sorry.


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