Final Sheet of Paper
By Jaelle
An X (sort of) Dead Letter Fanfiction


Kotori and X are copyright to Clamp, who know all, see all, and very slowly reveal the plot just to keep us all in torturous suspense. Argh.


Hello!

Oh no, that still doesn't work as a beginning. But I _promised_ myself I would stop fiddling around and just _write_ this letter so you'll just have to take it as it comes, inappropriate opening and all. I'm really sorry, but I've already taken far too long and made so many restarts and new drafts that they're starting to glare at me when I ask for another sheet of paper.

Hello Kamui, it's me, Kotori! Bet you're surprised to hear from me! Me being dead and all. But they told me I had unresolved issues and so I could write one letter to one person, and I decided to write to you! I was going to write to Fuuma, in fact a lot of these half-written letters piling up around me are to him, but they told me they couldn't deliver them to him right now so I thought I'd better write to you instead, because I think you probably need it too. Sorry, I'm babbling because I'm nervous. You'd think that would change after death but no.

Phew. This is hard.

Anyway, ummm... unresolved issues. I didn't really think I had unresolved issues, but they must know so let's see...

1) I'm sorry you fell out of that tree getting my hat when we were children.
2) I'm sorry I never wrote to you when you were gone - although you didn't leave an address so it's not as though I could actually SEND you anything but even so I should still have written.

Ummm... Oh yes!

3) Please don't be mad at Fuuma for killing me.

Okay, I think that's everything. Wow. That was easier than I thought it would be! How embarrassing, I've been agonising over this letter for ages. I used up an entire pencil on it and they gave me such a _look_ when I asked for another one, but this really nice man gave me his when he was done. His letter was really short. I snuck a peek, looking for inspiration, but as it was a love letter I looked away instantly. Almost instantly. It was very cute though. Whoever it's for is very lucky (I couldn't see the whole name, Sumer-something I think).

Anyway, I wanted to give you some words of comfort, because you looked so sad the last time I saw you and I want you to be happy.

I missed you all the while you were gone. Barely a day went by that I didn't look at something and remember that time when we were all children together and living only for each other. I never wanted that time to ever end. I loved you then, just like I still love you now, and I never stopped loving you, even during all those years when you were gone. I wish that I could be there for you now because I know you must be in agony after everything that's happened. And I know that Fuuma feels the same way too. No matter what he says now, he loved you Kamui. I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you and try and make you feel better, but I'm told you have lots of good friends who will do their best to help you, so I hope that you let them.

The future still hasn't been determined Kamui, life can be what you make of it.

That's all I have to say. Goodbye Kamui.

All my love,

Kotori.

PS. Tell Fuuma I love him and I forgive him and that it wasn't his fault.
PPS. Take care of yourself! Try to eat something, please!
PPPS. I'll always love you.

**

Author's Notes

The idea for this letter came from a fanfiction concept/challenge, originally created for Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel fanfics, the home of which can be found here: http://www.dymphna.net/deadletters/

The concept is simple:

Take a character.

Kill him/her.

Let him/her write one last letter. It can be to the world. It can be to a particular person. It can be to no one.

S/he's died, and this is all that remains.

In this particular case, rather than add to the already-high body count of many Clamp stories, I decided to instead do one for someone who has already passed on, namely Kotori. Don't ask me why, I just wanted to.

BTW, no points for guessing who the "really nice man" who gave Kotori
his pencil was. :-)

Jaelle
1 am, 23 April 2003.


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