Sailor Doom

A Sailor Moon Fanfiction

By Jaelle and Orla


Introduction by PiRat

As one of the conspirators that thought up this insanity, I felt that something had to be said as to how the concept evolved. During a conversation with a couple of my flatmates regarding Anime, 'Sailor Moon' came up and a comment was made along the lines of...

"If there is Sailor Moon, do the moons of the other planets have their own scouts, like for instance Phobos and Deimos?"
Now as we all had played the computer game Doom (set on the moons of Mars), the idea clicked, rough character concepts were devised and handed to Jaelle & Orla, we then left them alone (with little or no knowledge of Doom) to fanfic.

Now, let the mayhem begin...


Introduction by Jaelle

Sailor Doom was mine and Orla's first Sailor Moon fanfic. We originally used the Americanised translations of the characters names because, well, we were more used to them, however we've recently changed the names back to their correct Japanese versions.

Enjoy.


Legal Type Stuff:

The characters herein are not ours (with two exceptions) and we are not attempting to infringe upon the rights of those people who own the copyright of Sailor Moon, or upon those of the creator. This fanfic is produced explicitly for fun and no profit is being made from it. Likewise the references to Doom are also not attempting to infringe upon copyright. This is a work of parody.

This is a work of fiction and any similarities to persons alive or dead is rather worrying.

The characters of Sailor Phobos and Sailor Deimos are original inventions of Jaelle and Orla, who _do_ bear some similarities to those two sometimes, which is INCREDIBLY worrying.


The Cherry Hill Temple was peaceful in the moonlight, a perfect picture of serenity. In her bedroom, Rei Hino slept deeply.

BANG!

Rei sat bolt upright, "What the..?" She rushed to her window and looked out, something big was moving around on the courtyard.

"Oh for..." Rei grimaced. "Another weird happening! What do people have against my temple anyway?"

Then Rei caught a glimpse of the creature's face. "Ewwww!"

It looked like a demon, but uglier than any picture could be. There was no doubt in Rei's mind where this creature could have come from.

"Damn Negaverse!" she grumbled. "They are going to be toast... literally!"

She crept out of her room and ran down the hall. Once safely out of the hearing range of her grandfather or Yuuichirou she drew her power stick.

"Mars Star Power!"

Outside the demon mangled one of the statues and moved towards the house.

"Hold it crudball!"

It looked around.

Rei posed and began her recital. "I am Sailor Mars, champion of... oh forget it, in-the-name-of-Mars-I-will-punish-you!"

The demon looked baffled. Rei didn't give it time to think. "Mars Celestial Fire Surround!"

The vicious fire blades hurtled at the demon, it howled in pain when they hit but remained standing. It fixed an angry red eye on Rei.

She gulped and saw more demons coming up the steps to join it.

"Uh oh." A large sweat-drop formed on Rei's forehead. *Why didn't I call the others? I'm dead! Well... not without a fight!*

A vicious battle began. Rei jumped, dodged, and fired with everything she had, but she was vastly outnumbered and even her best attacks were doing little damage to all the demons around her. She managed to fry one or two, but more and more came at her. Finally, when it seemed that all was lost she briefly gave in to the temptation to cry out;

"HELP!!!!!!"

Rei didn't expect a response... later she would wish that she hadn't received one!

*Pop Pop*

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! CHAINSAW MASSACRE SLASH!"

*WHIRRRRRR*

Something zapped through the demon nearest Rei, slicing it into little pieces. Rei shrieked as bits of demon landed on her.

"BLAZING SHOTGUN FIRE!" a second voice called out. A series of loud reports sounded. With every one, a hole was blown into another demon.

Rei looked up in the direction of the shouts and saw... two Sailor Scouts! They stood on the temple roof, the moon shining down on them. Strangely enough, they both held weapons. One had a chainsaw. Her expression was slightly manic and she was laughing. The other held a shotgun and there was a sweet smile on her cute freckled face.

The last few demons vanished hurriedly into a Negaverse portal.

Rei smiled nervously at the two new Sailor Scouts. "Hey... thanks..."

"It was our pleasure," said the one with the gun, "Really." She jumped down and stood before Rei. "I'm Sailor Phobos and this is Sailor Deimos."

Rei frowned, "Those are the same names of my ravens! But those aren't planet names, they're moons!"

"That's right! We represent the moons of Mars!" Phobos smiled.

"It's not FAIR!" Deimos threw her chainsaw down. "I only got to kill ONE!" She cried, "Stupid, stinking scum didn't have the decency to stick around so that I could use my telefrag! I HATE that."

Rei blinked, "Is she... um... alright?"

"No, actually Deimos is quite insane."

Rei face-faulted.

"I wanna destroy something!" howled Deimos. "I wanna see guts! I wanna see blood!" She stomped her foot and glared at Rei. "YOU called us here, YOU should provide the entertainment!"

"I called you?"

"Yeah! Screaming out like that. We're your protectors - we have to come!"

"Uh... like what's all the commotion?" Yuuichirou wandered sleepily into the courtyard. Deimos' face brightened.

"That's an enemy right? We can slice him up, right?"

"NO!" shouted Rei, grabbing Deimos' arm. "That's Yuuichirou, he's a friend."

"Damn."

Rei shoved the other two behind her and quickly changed back to her normal self.

"Uh... hi Yuuichirou."

"Rei? Wha?"

"Oh... I couldn't sleep so I decided to take a walk." said Rei.

"Okay, but like, there was some wacko noises, like shooting and stuff."

Rei laughed as another sweatdrop formed on her brow, "Oh Chad... how silly! You must have been dreaming, I didn't hear a thing!"

Yuuichirou looked puzzled but accepted her word for it and shuffled back to bed. Rei turned back to Phobos and Deimos.

"Look, I appreciate your help but it's all over so can you go now?"

Phobos grinned, "No."

"Why not?"

"Because we have to help... The Negaverse..."

"Complete utter bastards..." Deimos injected.

"I know they are." Rei sighed. "They're evil."

"No," Deimos corrected her. "They're bastards because they wouldn't let us join."

"You wanted to join the Negaverse?!"

"Yeah... be a bad guy, blow stuff up!"

"_Anyway_," continued Phobos, "The Negaverse brought those demons here, but I think they've gotten out of hand."

"_Do_ tell."

"Deimos and I are the only ones who have the power to handle them."

"_Look_, we've managed fine without you up till now," said Rei huffily.

"Against the ordinary Negaverse dweebs sure," agreed Phobos. "But these guys? The only way to deal with them..."

"IS TO BLOW THEM AWAY!" shrieked Deimos. She revved up her chainsaw and leapt at one of the statues. "Slash and dice just like this!"

"NOT THE STATUE!" cried Rei.

"Oh dear," Phobos gestured, "Interdimensional MALLET!!!" A large mallet appeared in her hands and she chucked it at Deimos. The mallet connected and Deimos fell over with a thud.

Rei looked on in horror, "You knocked her out!"

"Yes, she was getting a little worked up. This is the only way to shut her up."

Rei leaned weakly against the wall. "Well, I guess I can't get rid of you... so you better stay here.. for _now_."

Phobos beamed, "How nice of you to offer."

Rei shot her a nasty glare, "Yeah, like I had a choice." she muttered.

***

The next morning dawned bright and peaceful. Rei opened her eyes and lay in bed puzzling over the nights events. It all seemed too unreal.

*Must have been a dream* Rei decided, *A very _bad_ dream.*

"Far _out_."

Rei sat bolt upright when Yuuichirou cried out.

"Like, what a MESS!"

*No, oh please no.* Rei begged silently. Cringing, she looked out of her window, and moaned.

The courtyard was covered with blood and demon innards. It looked like a set for Friday the 13th, or worse, Legend of the Overfiend. Rei shuddered and got out of bed, all the while listening to Yuuichirou and her grandfather exclaiming over the mess.

*This shouldn't happen!* Rei fumed, *All our other battles were never this messy...*

She got dressed and ran to the spare room where she had left Phobos and Deimos. "Now listen you two... argh!"

Deimos landed on her and held her chainsaw to Rei's throat,

"Intruder.... get ready to die..."

"Moron! It's me Rei... Sailor Mars!"

"No you're not."

"Deimos! We're supposed to _help_ Sailor Mars, not execute her!"

Phobos emerged.

Deimos grinned, "But this isn't Sailor Mars. She's not wearing the uniform and stuff. So I can hurt her, yeah?"

"It _is_ Sailor Mars, and if you kill her, we'll disappear too!"

Deimos paused, "That's bad right?"

"Oh for... Interdimensional Mallet Super Crunch!" A gigantic mallet landed on Deimos' head.

"Sorry about that," Phobos apologised as she helped Rei up, "Deimos is never at her best first thing in the morning... or at any other time for that matter."

"Oh wonderful. Would she really have killed me?" Rei asked, breathing a little easier.

"Nah."

"Oh thank the fire!"

"She'd just have maimed you a little."

"Urk." Rei did a perfect face-fault. Just then her Sailor communicator beeped. "Hang on a sec, I have to get that." She moved away to talk. Phobos knelt down by Deimos as the mallet evaporated.

"Now, are you gonna behave?"

Deimos pouted, "You both hate me!"

Just then Rei came running back, this time in costume as Sailor Mars.

"That was Sailor Mercury! The other Sailor Scouts are in desperate trouble! Let's go!"

"I'm not going," said Deimos.

"What... but..."

"You both hate me and noone will let me kill anything. So I'm staying here." Deimos sulked.

"Awwww... c'mon Deimos. You know I didn't mean anything by hitting you with the mallet. It's just the way it is," said Phobos. "Come on..."

"Forget her," said Rei.

"What?" Phobos looked stunned.

"If she won't come that's too bad. We'll just have to take care of all those demons by ourselves."

"Demons?" Deimos stood up abruptly. "What demons?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you? The other Sailor Scouts are being attacked by hundreds of demons."

"Hundreds? You mean _a_ hundred, don't you?"

"Oh noooo... I mean hundreds. Hundreds and hundreds and _hundreds_. But if we don't hurry Phobos, there won't be any left for us." said Rei, grinning. "So let's just leave Deimos behind and..."

"Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds? What are you two slowpokes waiting around for? The Sailor Scouts need our help!" shouted Deimos. "Please lead the way oh great Sailor Mars, whose every whim I will obey."

Rei grinned, "This way... CHARGE!"

Brandishing their weapons and yelling, Phobos and Deimos followed her.

***

"Jupiter Thunder Crash! Where the heck is Rei?" screamed Sailor Jupiter, dodging a demon attack.

"I don't know!" yelled Sailor Mercury, freezing a few more demons in place... for about five seconds... "I called her ages ago. It's not like her to be so late."

"If she doesn't get here soon _we're_ the ones who'll be late!" yelled Sailor Venus.

"AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa!!!!!!!!!" screamed Sailor Moon, running from a demon, with her sceptre in one hand, and Chibiusa tucked under the other arm. "They're gonna kill us all!"

"Not if I can help it!" called Tuxedo Mask, throwing a handful of roses at a demon.

It ate them.

It had been an average sort of event. One of the weird sisters had tried to capture Chibiusa, the Sailor Scouts had arrived, been attacked by a monster, nearly defeated, rescued by Tuxedo Mask, and then watched Usagi blow the monster to bits with the Moon Sceptre. Then suddenly a large number of demons had arrived and attacked. None of the Scouts powers had been able to do much more than injure individual demons, with the exception of the Moon Sceptre. But even that could only take out one demon at a time, and Sailor Moon was hampered in its use because she was trying to fight, overcome her fears _and_ protect Chibiusa all at the same time.

The Scouts had found that a combination of two or more powers would destroy demons, and so currently Sailors Venus and Jupiter were working together, Sailor Moon was doing what she could with only one arm, Mercury was keeping up a shield of mist and Tuxedo Mask was running interference, jumping all over the place and preventing the demons from getting to either Moon or Mercury. This was an excellent example of good tactics but there were just far too many demons for even the best tactics to defeat.

There were several hundred in the park already and more kept arriving. From his hiding place, Rubeus watched the fight, grinning evilly. This had been an excellent plan - forget attacking with just one monster at a time, overwhelm them all with hundreds! It would all be over very soon, and then the Negaverse would be triumphant!

"TELEFRAG..!!"

"Ewwwwww!" everyone screamed as demon guts sprayed everywhere.

Rubeus started, *What the..?*

"Bwahahahahahaha... Chainsaw Massacre SLASH!" screamed a wild-eyed Sailor Scout who now stood where a demon once had. "Let's get busy! DIIIIIEEEEE!!!!" She laid about her with her chainsaw. Another Scout could be seen a little further off.

"Who the heck is that?" asked Jupiter.

"Who cares? They're on our side!" replied Venus.

"They're with me!"

"Sailor Mars!" The others turned to her.

"Come on guys, let's show these demons not to mess with us!" Rei yelled.

"Yeah! Scout Power!" With renewed vigour, the Scouts attacked again.

***

"I can't keep this up much longer!" said Jupiter.

The other scouts felt depression sink onto them as the most physically strong member of the team admitted that she also was tiring.

Mars was now teamed with Moon, and the two of them were protecting Chibiusa together, but the amount of power needed to put down the demons had exhausted both of them. The other scouts were tiring fast also, and even Deimos, although still laughing, had ceased to use her telefrag power and was relying solely on her chainsaw. There were a lot less demons now, but about a hundred of them still remained.

"Hey Mars, why don't we blast these demons full power?" asked Phobos. "It won't get _all_ of the demons, but if everyone else blasts them full power afterwards, we might be able to distract the survivors long enough to get away."

"What?! And leave all of these demons?! NO WAY!" yelled Deimos.

"But Deimos, we'll get to use our _combined special attack_." said Phobos persuasively.

"Ooooh ooooh oooooh... I wanna I wanna I wanna can we Rei? Can we? Huh? Please?"

"Sure," said Mars. "If you'll tell me what it is."

"We'll show you!" said Deimos. "Watch: Deimos Flames Addition!" A bright light flared upward from Deimos.

"Phobos Firepower Source!" Another light surged up to meet it... then they joined and crashed down to engulf Rei.

"I feel... INCREDIBLE!" She yelled, glowing. The air ignited around her.

"Now say... Mars Incandescent Flame Destroy!" gasped Phobos.

"MARS INCANDESCENT FLAME... DESTROY!!!!"

Fire blasted out of Mars, Phobos and Deimos and directly into the demons... cutting through them as though they weren't even there. Demons exploded into ashes as the fire blasted through them.. It flared brightly one last time and then suddenly stopped. Mars, Phobos and Deimos slumped to the ground, and the remaining demons charged, but the other Sailor Scouts stepped forward, screaming out their powers at the tops of their voices. The demons ducked and dodged the array of powers zooming towards them, and when they looked up again, the Sailor Scouts were gone.

***

"We're safe," announced Mercury. "The demons aren't on my scanner anymore." The scouts collapsed in relief... except for Phobos and Deimos.

"Aw man were we great or what?" asked Phobos.

"Yeah yeah YEAH! Did you _see_ the looks on those demons faces when we pulverised 'em?" asked Deimos.

"Are you kidding? I nearly died laughing!"

"I think some introductions are in order," said Sailor Venus.

"Friends of yours Rei?"

"Uh yes, these are Sailors Phobos and Deimos," said Rei.

"I've never heard of those planets," said Venus.

"No no... they're the moons of Mars!" laughed Mercury.

"Yeah, we're the protectors of Sailor Mars," explained Phobos.

"She gets in trouble... BIG trouble and HYAH!" Deimos demolished a park bench, "We bail her out!"

Jupiter frowned, "So where are you from? Earth?"

Phobos shook her head, "No, we're like um... spirits. Kinda like offshoots of Rei's personality."

Sailor Moon smirked, "Well gee... _that_ explains a lot about Rei."

"I heard that meatball head." Deimos loomed over Usagi. "Where do you get off insulting our boss hmmmm? Maybe I'll have to teach you a lesson!"

"Waaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!" Streams of tears flowed from Usagi's eyes. "You're so mean!"

Deimos looked disgusted, "Aw... she ain't worth it!"

"Hey, where'd Tuxedo Mask go?" asked Jupiter.

"Huh?" said Usagi, stopping her tears.

"He took Chibiusa home to safety," said Sailor Venus. "We better get going too. Meeting tomorrow?"

"Three o'clock, the temple." said Rei.

"We'll be there."

***

"I mean it! You guys _have_ to act like ordinary people or you'll compromise my secret identity!"

"No way! I am not going to!!!!"

Rei rubbed her forehead. For the last half-hour she had been trying to convince Phobos and Deimos to change out of their Scout uniforms into ordinary clothing. It wasn't going well. Even Phobos, the one most likely to agree was being stubborn.

"Well what am I supposed to do with you?" Rei asked. "You're kind of conspicuous."

"Oh I see," Phobos smiled. "You think... oh don't worry, watch!"

She went outside to where Yuuichirou was sweeping the front steps.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" screamed Rei.

Yuuichirou looked up, "Like, what's wrong Rei?"

Phobos waved her hand in front of his face - he didn't even blink.

"Don't do that!" cried Rei.

"I'm only sweeping... I haven't even thought about singing... honest!" Yuuichirou started to panic.

Rei paused, was it possible that... could Deimos and Phobos be invisible to 'ordinary' people?

Yuuichirou was staring at her in puzzlement. She smiled nervously, "Uhhh... heh... never mind... I... uh... you missed a spot moron!" Rei stalked off.

Yuuichirou watched her go, "She's so cute, but sometimes... so weird!"

Phobos raised an eyebrow, "Oh so THAT'S it huh..."

"Rei! Yuuichirou! Dinner!" Rei's grandfather called them. Rei turned,

"Good."

"Food!" squealed Deimos, appearing behind her, "Goody!"

Rei frowned, "You're a spirit - you can't eat."

"Oh yeah? Where's the rule book that says that?"

"Well technically she's right Deimos," said Phobos. "But we do need to get sustenance _somehow_, so when you eat, we get some of the energy! And when we need energy... you get hungry."

Rei suddenly felt herself growing ravenous. "Food, gotta have FOOOOOD!"

She barrelled into the dining room and sat down.

"Evening Rei," said her grandfather, "How was... huh?"

Both he and Yuuichirou watched in amazement as Rei began stuffing food into her mouth as fast as possible. Yuuichirou leaned over to Grandpa, "What d'ya think wise master? PMS?" Something hit him on the back of the head, "Owwwww!" He looked down at the vase which had struck him, which had previously been on the mantelpiece.

"Gotcha gotcha!" Deimos danced up and down. "You don't insult OUR boss!"

Rei looked up from eating, "Stop that!"

"Stop what?" asked Grandpa.

Rei flushed and a sweat drop trickled down her hair, "Oh nothing." She grabbed some more food. "I'll just go eat this in my room." She stood and stalked out. "You two are so annoying! Can't you just calm down? They must think that I'm crazy by now!"

"Rei, like, who are you talking to?"

Rei fled. Phobos and Deimos followed her.

Oh I wish those two would just GO AWAY, thought Rei. "Hey boss, you gonna finish that?" Grrrr...

***

Mamoru and the rest of the Sailor Scouts arrived at the temple on time for the meeting... with the exception of Usagi of course.

"Typical," fumed Rei. "That ditz is ALWAYS late!"

"And she's your leader?" Phobos shook her head. "Something stinks here."

"I'll say," hissed Deimos. "It's been twenty-four hours and I haven't killed anything!"

"Deimos be quiet," said her sister. "Or I'll use the hammer."

"Meanie meanie!" Deimos stuck her tongue out.

Mamoru laughed, "Hey Rei, I never saw any of these two in you when we were going out."

Phobos and Deimos rounded on him. "What did you say?"

Minako blinked, "Didn't Rei tell you guys that she and Mamoru used to go out?"

"Yeah and wasn't Usagi mad about that!" said Makoto.

"Oh, that's ancient history." Rei waved her hands. "Nothing to do with the present."

"So why did you guys break up?" asked Phobos.

Mamoru shifted uncomfortably, "Well, it's kinda complicated."

A wild light gleamed in Deimos' eyes, "Aha! I know what happened! You dumped her! You.. you.. cad!"

Rei blushed, "Deimos, that's not exactly what happened."

"Sure it is. He dumped you for that idiot Usagi, didn't he?"

Mamoru leapt to his feet, "Usagi is not an idiot!"

Deimos' chainsaw appeared in her hands, "You ditched our boss... DIIIIIIIIIIIIEEE!!!"

"No!" cried Rei, "Don't!"

"Ouch!" said Ami, "That must have hurt!"

Rei turned to Phobos, "Use the mallet!"

Phobos opened her eyes wide. "Oh darn!" She said sweetly, "I seem to have lost it."

"Oh yeah, how the hell do you lose an interdimensional mallet?"

Phobos was all-innocence. "The interdimensional plane is an odd thing, I'm _always_ losing stuff there!"

"Oh sure," muttered Makoto.

"Look, I don't want Mamoru beaten up!" shouted Rei.

Phobos watched Deimos chase Mamoru around the courtyard. "Are you sure?"

Rei thought for a moment. She remembered how Mamoru had ignored her so much and then thrown her over for Usagi. "Hmm well, maybe a little beating wouldn't hurt."

Minako gasped, "Rei!"

Phobos yelled to Deimos as she zoomed by for the fifth time. "Just a little maiming sis, nothing too extreme!"

Deimos pouted, "You never let me have any fun!"

"Somebody help me!" cried Mamoru. "Help me please!"

***

Further down the street, Usagi stopped arguing with Chibiusa long enough to say, "Hey, did you hear something? I thought I heard Mamoru."

"I think you're so desperate for him that you're hallucinating."

"Ooooohhh... I'm gonna kill you for that you little virus!" Usagi chased her up the stairs to the temple.

"Help me!" yelled Chibiusa.

"Help me!" yelled Mamoru.

CRASH!

Mamoru and Chibiusa lay in a heap as Deimos and Usagi arrived.

"Oh Mamoru! Oh no!"

"Now I'm gonna hurt you cape-boy!" Deimos yelled.

"Don't you DARE!" yelled Usagi. "Touch him and I'll... I'll..."

"You'll WHAT meatball-head?" Asked Deimos, brandishing her chainsaw.

"Pitiful really, to think that these squabbling children are all that this time can send against me." said a familiar voice above them.

"Rubeus!" the Sailor Scouts turned to see him floating in midair.

"Pathetic," he laughed.

"Oh yeah... Venus Star Power... Mars Star Power... Mercury Star Power... Jupiter Star Power... Moon Crystal Power!!!" The Sailor Scouts transformed, as did Tuxedo Mask, although he doesn't have a cool transforming cry.

"Well," said Rubeus, "I can relax for five minutes now while they go through their routines."

"MINIGUN SPREAD!"

"What the... AGH!" Rubeus dodged the bullets flying through the air around him and landed on the ground, where he bumped into Deimos.

"What... I thought you had to do all of you speeches first!" Rubeus said.

"We don't _do_ speeches buster," snarled Deimos, levelling her chainsaw at him. "We just punish you... with EXTREME prejudice."

"Then I suppose I'll have to speed up my attack slightly." Rubeus replied. A small portal opened and twenty demons came through.

"Oh YEAH! I _like_ this guy!" said Phobos.

"Woooo... PARTY!" screamed Deimos, "Telefrag!" She teleported into the same space as a demon. It vacated the space very quickly in several hundred pieces.

"Ewww..." said Rubeus, brushing himself off. "Well enjoy the fun kiddies. I see the little rabbit has already fled, so you'll all have to excuse me." With that, he disappeared.

"Oh don't worry, we will!" said Deimos. "Thank you! CHAINSAW MASSACRE SLASH!"

More bits of demon went flying.

"No! Go after Chibiusa! Protect her!" yelled Rei.

"Whaaaaaat? But... but... the demons!" wailed Deimos.

"PROTECT CHIBIUSA!" screamed Rei. "That's an order!"

"Awwww... geez..." Phobos looked at Deimos. "Come on, we gotta do what she says."

"Oooooohhhh..."

***

"Hey kid, wait up!" Chibiusa turned at the shout. Those two new Sailor Scouts were behind her, and gaining. She stopped to let them catch up with her.

"I can't believe we had to give up demons for this," grumbled the one with the chainsaw.

"Rei told us to protect her," said the other. "So we will."

"Boy you guys are weird," said Chibiusa. "Why do you carry such dumb-looking weapons?"

"Dumb-looking...? Listen kid," the one with the chainsaw said. "We just had to run out on a way cool fight to protect you and then you trash our weapons? I hate people who do that! I hate kids! And I especially hate cute kids with stupid hairstyles and big mouths!"

"Huh, you don't scare me old lady," said Chibiusa nervously.

"Don't you speak to my sister like that!" snarled Phobos. "Or I'll show you a side of this," she produced a small shotgun, "that you won't like!"

Chibiusa backed away a little, "Ah, it isn't nice for girls to carry guns."

Phobos glared at her. "You're really starting to piss me off! Besides, I'm allowed to carry guns, I'm a member of the MRA!"

"MRA?"

"Moon Rifle Association."

"Enough chat," said Deimos, with a bloodthirsty gleam in her eye. "Let's pound the little squirt."

Chibiusa ran for it, Deimos and Phobos in hot pursuit. She was beginning to pull away from them when suddenly Rubeus appeared in front of her!

"Now I have you little rabbit!" Rubeus cried.

Chibiusa looked at Rubeus, and then back at Deimos and Phobos, who were rapidly gaining ground.

"Aaaahh! Rubeus! Save me!" Chibiusa threw herself at him.

"What the?" Rubeus looked behind her. "Oh no, not those two again!"

The duo caught sight of him. "Goody!" yelled Deimos. "Beat up the bad guy time! Chainsaw massacre slash!" Power blazed out of her chainsaw.

Rubeus hastily erected a shield to protect himself.

Unfortunately, he didn't extend it as far as Chibiusa, who shrieked and tumbled over.

Deimos' face contorted with anger at missing, "Hey, no fair! I wanna see blood! Especially yours!"

Rubeus laughed, "Looks like you're out of luck today Sailor Girl!"

"We'll see!" Phobos began pulling guns out of thin air, each one larger than the one before it... "No, nope, too small, waaaaay too small, not enough power, hmmm... maybe... naaaah. Come on, I need BIGGER guns! Aha!" With a triumphant yell she pulled a bazooka-style gun out of midair.

"You're _not_ serious," said Rubeus. "That could really hurt someone!"

"That's the idea bozo!" said Phobos. "PLASMA CANON STREAM!"

The resulting explosion took out most of the surrounding area. Rubeus managed to avoid the brunt of it by taking to the air again. "The wise man isn't paying me enough for this!" he snarled and disappeared.

"Damn!" said Phobos.

"Uh sis, look over there." said Deimos.

Chibiusa lay half-buried in rubble.

"Oops."

"Oh well," Deimos shrugged. "We taught her not to mess with us! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Is everyone alright?" Tuxedo Mask came running up. "I saw the building fall... are you okay? Oh no... CHIBIUSA! What have you maniacs done? You dropped a building on her!"

"Hey buster, we _had_ to drop a building on her to save her from Rubeus," said Phobos.

"Yeah, we were _protecting_ her. And don't think we've forgotten what a jerk you were to Rei." said Deimos.

"Is Chibiusa okay?" asked Sailor Moon, arriving.

"Yeah, she's okay, just a little bruised." said Phobos.

"Oh, well that's okay then."

"What? Usagi, you meatball head, they beat me up!" yelled Chibiusa, feeling safe now that Mamoru was here and holding her.

Usagi glowered at the way Chibiusa was cuddling up to Mamoru.

"You ungrateful little brat! These two nice people saved your maggoty little hide and you complain? What a horrible little virus you are!"

"Hey," said Deimos. "Maybe Sailor Moon's not so bad after all!"

"I've had it with you!" boomed Rubeus' voice as the other scouts arrived. "You scouts think you're so hot," he materialised. "So why don't you try this on for size!"

He gestured and waves of demons appeared on all sides.

"Why... you..." Deimos leapt up and grabbed him by the waistcoat, "SWEETIE! MMMMMMmmmmmmmmm."

Rubeus found himself on the receiving end of a very enthusiastic kiss. His head started smoking.

"Let's get to it!" Deimos yelled as she let go and dropped back to the ground. Everyone stared at her. "What?"

The Sailor Scouts looked at each other and sighed, "Oh, nothing."

***

"Phobos! Watch out for that demons behind..."

BLAM!

"Uh, in front of..."

BLAM!

"And there's one to your le..."

BLAM!

"And ri..."

BLAM!

"And now there's one behi..."

BLAM!

"...nd you again... Why do I bother?"

BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM

***

"You put your chainsaw in, you pull your chainsaw out, you see a demon and telefrag in..."

"Ewww..."

"And splatter demon goo about... Yeah!"

***

"Usagi, are you okay?"

"That demon called me meatball-head! He dies! MOON SCEPTRE ELIMINATION!"

"Usagi, have you been standing near the psycho-twins?"

"Ah shaddup."

***

"Give me the little rabbit Venus!"

"Stuff you Rubeus! Catch Mars!"

"Waaa..."

"Caught her! Uh oh, demons at 4 o'clock. Jupiter... CATCH!"

"Waaa..."

"Whoulf... got her. Whu-oh... hands OFF Rubeus. Mercury, here!"

"Waaa... cut it out! Stop throwing me!"

"Oof! Got you, oh no, more demons."

"Mercury, over here! I'm clear! I'm clear!"

"Okay, catch!"

"NOOOOO!!! Don't throw her to Phobos!"

"Waaa..." *CRUNCH*

"Oops, gosh darn it, I missed her. Just call me Sailor Butterfingers."

***

"MOON SCEPTRE ELIMINATION! MOON SCEPTRE ELIMINATION! MOON SCEPTRE ELIMINATION!!!!"

"Usagi, don't you think you're overdoing it?"

"NO! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Okay, who gave her chocolate? Deimos?"

***

"I can't believe you're still throwing roses at those demons! They just stick... stick? Hey, they used to bounce! What are those roses made of?"

BOOOM!

"Plastique."

"Ooooookay."

***

"Do you think that Phobos and Deimos are being a bad influence on us Makoto?"

Three demons went up in smoke and Usagi ran past, smashing demons over the head with her sceptre. Makoto considered, ripped a telephone pole out of the ground and swiped all the demons near her over. "No Ami, why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason. Pass me that club would you?"

***

"Telefrag..."

"Ewww..."

"Telefrag..."

"Ewww..."

"Telefrag..."

"Ewww..."

"Would you PLEASE let me finish my power activation line? You keep drowning it out with 'Ewww'."

"Ewww..."

"Hey!"

"Sorry, reflex."

***

However, in spite of their valiant (and somewhat deranged) efforts, the Sailor Scouts found themselves being beaten back by the demons.

"I hate to say this," said Phobos. "But there are too damn many of them. And I'm running low on ammunition."

"Really?" Rei looked surprised. "It must be bad then... do you think our combo power will get rid of them?"

Phobos looked at the assembled demon hordes. "No," she admitted. "There's just too many of them. Even if everyone kicked in all their power it wouldn't be enough. This needs more than power, this needs... spirit."

"Huh?" said Rei. Just then, Minako went down.

"Sailor Venus!"

"I've got her!" yelled Jupiter, pulling her to safety.

"Look out Jupiter, behind you!"

Makoto turned and punched out the demon behind her. Sensing a weakness, the demons surged forward. Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury ran to the rescue but the demons overwhelmed and swarmed over them.

"Noooo! USAGI!!!!" Tuxedo Mask tucked Chibiusaunder one arm and went on the offensive, but a group of flying demons distracted him.

"Mamoru! Sailor Scouts!" Rei yelled. "We have to help them! AAARGH!" A demon had gotten in a nasty blow.

"TELEFRAG!" screamed Deimos. The demon splattered in several directions and the two moon scouts helped Rei up.

"No choice Deimos, we've got to use our ultimate power."

"Huh?" said Rei.

"Sailor Mars, hold our hands and say..." Phobos whispered a few words.

***

Rubeus watched as one by one the Sailor Scouts fell. Soon it would be all over. Suddenly he saw a bright light emitting from Sailor Mars and those two crazy new Sailor Scouts.

***

Rei could feel her heart and the hearts of her two protectors beating. She pushed away all thoughts of her current situation and concentrated.

"MARS..." she yelled.

"PHOBOS..." yelled Phobos.

"AND DEIMOS..." shouted Deimos.

"UNITED FIREPOWER BLAST!!!"

And suddenly there was a tower of fire blasting outwards from the trio. Rubeus gaped as his demons were totally consumed and gasped as the air around him superheated. He teleported away just before the area he'd been floating in filled with smoke and flame. When it cleared, Mars stood alone. The other Sailor Scouts, all miraculously untouched by the flames, stared at her.

"Where are Phobos and Deimos?" asked Usagi.

"Gone." said Mars. "Their spirits were the source of that blast."

"Oh... I'm sorry..."

Rei smiled, "Don't be meatball-head. They'll always be a part of me now."

"Oh what a comforting thought," said Mamoru.

"Oh I shouldn't worry," said Mercury. "They're only _parts_ of her after all, not the whole."

"I don't believe it!" Everyone looked where Minako was pointing.

Five demons who had somehow survived the fireblast were loping towards them. Sailor Moon nailed one, Tuxedo Mask another, but the other two headed for Sailor Mars, who got one with her Burning Mandala.

The other one was too close by that point however. As it closed on her, an evil grin flickered over her face and Rei reached behind her and produced a hammer of truly enormous size and brought it down on the demon. A large sweat drop formed on everyone's foreheads... when...

"Hey, where'd the fifth demon go?" asked Minako.

"And where's Jupiter?" asked Ami.

"HEEEEEEELP!!!"

*Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop*

"We'll help you boss!"

"AAAAAHHHH!!" the other Sailor Scouts did the only thing they could, and fell flat on their faces.

The End?


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