The Army of the Dead
A LotR: RotK/PotC Crossover
Disclaimer: I own
neither anyone associated with Lord of the Rings or Pirates of the
Author's Note: For some reason, this damn story demanded to be written
in drabble scenes. I hate it when that happens.
The sinister black ship slowly glided in to shore.
The leader of the orc army was not pleased.
"Late as usual, pirate scum! Come on, come on, get off your ships!"
There was a pause, and a dark-haired human stood up on deck. He looked
long at the assembled horde before speaking.
"Beg your pardon, but would you gentle... beings be talking to myself?"
While they gaped in surprise he was joined by another form, who
surveyed their forces with an ancient gaze.
Angrily, Will Turner turned to his Captain.
"I TOLD you we should have taken the north-bound river!"
son of Arathorn, and his companions Legolas and Gimli, glumly trudged
down the riverbank towards the city of Minas Tirith. They had recently
passed through the Dim Holt, where they were refused aid by the spirits
of the dead.
"Aragorn, there is something strange by the shore,"
Legolas called. The three ran to see what passed, and found an orc
captain arguing with a pirate.
"You're supposed to be working for us!" He yelled. "And where are the
rest of your ships?"
"Oh," said the human, "Were those YOUR ships? Um... unfortunately we
had to sink them. Sorry."
was elated. The second army of mercenaries was gone! But the battle
still raged, and the men of Gondor and Rohan were yet outnumbered.
you see... we may be pirates, but we ain't YOUR pirates," Jack was
still arguing with the orcs. "In fact we ain't ANYONE'S pirates. On
account of pirates not being on anyone's side but their own, savvy?"
"Look, you're PIRATES, you're EVIL," the orc raged. "Now get out here
and fight, or I'll gut you all!"
With no warning he stabbed Jack, who smiled at him cheerfully.
"Oh yeah, that was the other thing..."
"Dead?" Aragorn blurted.
"Undead actually," Jack corrected. "Got on the wrong side of a curse.
sniffed audibly. Gimli looked from the elf to the human, both of whom
noticed and pretended not to know what he might be thinking about.
"But we have just come from trying to recruit an army of the dead!"
"Come and fight for us," Aragorn urged.
"Why should we?"
Aragorn stared at him. "Because it's the right thing to do."
"Pirate." Jack reminded him.
Aragorn stared. Legolas met Will's eyes and sighed. "Because we'll pay
you a great deal of money."
Welcome!" Gandalf the White, called Mithrandir by some, embraced the
ranger. "You come just in time, and bring such powerful allies with
you. These then are the dwellers of the mountain?"
"No," said Aragorn shortly.
Aragorn frowned. "They would not come, and remain in their mountain
Gandalf was stunned. "Then what of these spirits of the dead who fight
"Undead, actually," a passing pirate told him.
Aragorn sighed. "We offered them a lot of money to come and fight for
"But the dead have no need of gold!"
"Well the undead seem to like it!"
"Well their methods may be strange, but they fight well," said Gimli,
watching as the pirates easily swarmed the army of Sauron.
"Thank you," Will said, striding up to them and ignoring Legolas again.
Gimli eyed them both. "Have you two met before?"
"NO!" They shouted in unison.
The dwarf shrugged and turned to Jack. "So why was your ship passing
looking for a bit of cursed gold," Jack explained. "'Bout the size of a
coin, kind of evil-looking. You haven't seen it have you?"
The remains of the Fellowship stared at him.
"Tough crowd," Jack murmured.
"No, no, no," Jack laughed. "Not a ring, mate. It's a coin, got a
design on it like a sun."
In the throne room of Minas Tirith, there was a quiet sigh.
"I'm afraid I know of no such coin," Aragorn said. "Have you no way of
Jack looked guilty.
"We used to," said Will. "But it was unfortunately LOST."
Jack pretended not to hear.
Aragorn nodded thoughtfully. "Unfortunately, the rooms of Minas Tirith
are many. We could, however, look for it for you..."
"You could?" Jack asked eagerly.
"IF you do something for us..."
Jack sighed miserably.
"Oh that does not look good," Jack muttered. "What ARE those things?"
"Nazgul," said Legolas.
"Oh..." Jack said. "Well in that case, GET THEM!"
"I like him," Gimli chortled happily.
The pirates fought fiercely alongside the army brought to assault the
orcs fell to their attacks, but they were suddenly thrown back when a
Nazgul mounted upon a Fell Beast swooped down and lifted Jack and Will
up in its claws. The battle paused as it flew higher, and then let them
Jack tried to avoid Will's accusing stare on the way down.
aren't you celebrating, Will my boy, we won!" Jack said happily. "And
we got our coin and didn't have to kill anyone! Come on, have some of
this ale and sit with Gimli and me!"
"No thank you," Will said. "I'll join you a bit later."
"Suit yourself," Jack shrugged. "More ale for me! Now what this party
REALLY needs is some rum! Yo ho ho!" He staggered away.
Legolas emerged from the shadows nearby. Will looked at him and sighed.
"You haven't told him, have you?" Legolas asked.
Will shook his head. "No. They'd never believe it anyway."
Aragorn, Faramir, Legolas, Gimli, and Gandalf stood in the throne room.
"It is certain then. They have gone?" Aragorn asked.
There is no sign of them at all. They must have slipped away in the
night," Faramir replied. "Their coin is gone, as is much of the ale."
"A shame," Aragorn said. "I would have like to farewell them properly.
They were mighty warriors."
the fact that they were dead," Gimli rumbled. He glanced at Legolas.
"Did anyone notice how that young lad Will resembled the elf here?"
Everyone regarded Legolas thoughtfully. He looked back at them serenely.
Faramir, Steward of Gondor, turned to answer.
"What is it? Be quick, the King's coronation two days hence, and there
is much to do!"
The guard whispered into his ear and Faramir blanched.
When?!" He paused. "Oh well, we probably needed a new one anyway. Find
Master Gimli and ask him to see me as soon as possible."
He strode away, muttering. "Bloody pirates."
On the deck of the Black Pearl, Will stared at Jack coldly.
Captain Jack Sparrow sighed and slowly removed the Crown of Gondor from
his head. "Alright then, I'll stick with the hat."
Originally, I had no idea why Legolas and Will were pretending not to
know or recognise each other. I wound up coming up with the concept of
"Orlando Bloom: Guardian of the Multiverse" - that in EVERY alternate
reality, there is a version of Orlando Bloom protecting it.
If anyone comes up with a better rationale - let me know!
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