COMMODORE RULZ

Patrick's Page of FORD Jokes   (or joke Fords !! )

 

 

featuring Ford theme music "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"

 

FORD JOKES

 

?          The Ford AU ute has cup and thermos holders built into the tailgate. So when you push the ute you can have a drink at the same time.

?          Friends don't let friends drive Fords.

?          If all the vehicles in New Zealand were 'Built Ford Tough', the shoulders of New Zealand's highways would be a much more crowded place.

?          Have you driven over a Ford lately?

?          Have you outdriven a Ford lately?

?          This is Holden country and on quiet nights you can hear Fords rusting.

?          I could never keep a Ford under me, I was always under the Ford.

?          I'd rather push a Holden than drive a Ford.

?          Buy a Ford and you buy the 'best'. Drive a mile and walk the rest.

?          You look in your rear-view mirror to see two people with their hands on your tailgate.

?          You constantly receive sympathy cards from the Department of Transportation.

?          When you are walking across the parking lot, you see a priest performing last rights on your car.

?          While stopped at traffic lights, other motorists offer to help push to get you started again.

?          You have preferred customer status at Appco Auto Parts.

?          You have to stop along side the road at least once a day to pick up parts that have fallen off.

?          You leave your keys in the ignition and a $20 bill on the dash for gas money in hopes that someone will steal your car.

?          When you drive though town, people stop what they are doing and just start laughing.

?          People try to hire you to bring your truck to their house to fog for mosquitos.

?          In place of a spare tire, you find a pair of running shoes

 

F - O - R - D

Found On Russian Dump

For Off Road Death

Ford Owner Really Dumb
For Only Retarded Drivers
Ford Owners Recommend Dodge
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy
Freaking Only Runs Downhill
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Funky Old Road Dog
Found On Roadside's Destroyed
Fixed-up Old Repossesed Dodge
Found Old Rebuilt Dodge
Found On Railroad Deserted
Found On Railroad Dead
Fools Only Read Directions
First On Repair Dolly
Favorite Of Redneck Drivers

 

Found On Rubbish Dumps
Fix Or Repair Daily
Fails On Rainy Days
Fails On Race Day
Found On Roadside Dead
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Datsun
Flip Over Read Directions
Four Old Rusted Doors
Ford Owner Really Dumb
Ford Owners Recommend Datsun (Dodge)
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy
For Off Road Death
Fords Only Run Downhill
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Freaking Old Rusted Dodge (Datsun)
Forget Out Running Datsuns

 

Q: How do you double the value of a Ford?
A: Put gas in it.

Q: How is a golf ball different from a Ford?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

Q: Why are there footpaths beside streets?
A: So Ford owners have a safe place to walk home.

Q: How much wood could a Ford ute haul if a Ford ute could haul wood?
A: As much as the Holden ute towing it.

Q: How do you make a Ford accelerate from 0 to 100 km in under 10 seconds?
A: Push it off a cliff.

Q. What's the difference between a Ford and the principal's office?
A. It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.

Q: What goes on pages 4-5 of the Ford user's manual?
A: The train & bus schedule.

Q: What is the sport-version of Falcon?
A: The driver wears Nike shoes.

Q: What do you call a Ford at the top of a hill?
A: A miracle.

Q: What do you call a Ford with dual exhausts?
A: A wheelbarrow.
 
Q: How do you make a Falcon look good?
A: Park it between two Commodores.

Q: What to you call a Ford with brakes?
A: Customized. 

Q: How do you make a Ford go faster uphill?
A: Throw out the passenger.

Q: How do you make a Ford go faster downhill?
A: Turn off the engine.

Q: What do you call a Falcon with a flat tyre?
A: A write off. 

Q. How do you make a Ford drive at least 1000 miles without breaking down?
A. Put a Holden engine in it

Q. Why are Ford making their car's bodies aerodynamic?
A. So the tow truck can get more mileage

Q. Why do most Ford drivers hang out the windows while driving?
A. to hold the side panels on so they don't fall off.

 

COMMODORE ENGINE

 

FORD ENGINE