The Battle for Mediolanum
Anyways, once we'd done for the damn Emperor, Minimax led us across th' top of Italia, having a rare old time. We drank an' chased wimmin every day, and damn-all of an enemy in sight for over a month, endin' up in Mediolanum, where I met me old mate Byrht. He came back to th' tavern an' drank us all unner the table, then told us he'd signed up to fight for the Pat-, the Pat-, the boss, for a big sack o' gold. Fight who, sez we, cos the Italians had been all cowardly like, surrendering every town we came to, and he tells us that there's a bunch of Greek boylovers marching up the coast towards us.
Well, old Minimax outmanouevred them and lured them away from the coast, then got them to fight on a open plain - just a village an' a coupla small rises. We formed up proper for once - all the hairy footboys in the middle, both Saxons and Franks, and the Bush-boys (Gretungi) over on the left, with a passel of Roman footsloggers. Pretty good-lookin' troops, I gotta say, all bright helmets and pointy sticks. All us real soldiers were on the right, with Minimax hisself leading us, and a whole load of lighter horsemen swarming about - Illyricans, an' a coupla Moors, an' some Alans, a real dogs breakfast of them. Behind us was a long line o' Romans too, but they looked like wot I scrapes off me boot in the evening. I heard Minimax had dragged 'em out of a fortress down Pavianum way, and it sure looked it - I aint seen so many greyhairs an' crook backs since we sacked the Senate.
Well, the Greeks, they had a whole load of Spearmen in the middle, and nothin' but light horsemen and a few foot skirmishers to hold each flank. I heard ol' Minimax muttering under his breaff, about our bein' outnumbered for light horse, then he gave the signal to advance.
The light horse opposite us came rushing past the low hills, and got clobbered in the flank by some of our horse archers hiding behind the ridge, but they must be tough in Greece, they just shrugged the horse archers off and kept comin'. Minimax sent the rest of our grabbag of light cavalry thunderin' into them, and they swirled back and forth for a while.
Meanwhile, the Franks and Saxons was creeping forward slowly, driving back a load of Greek skirmishers, 'til they got into reach and started their damn yodelling again - remember this, young Gurth!, them Saxons always yodel away when they're about to charge. I saw Byrht way over on the left, next to his general, an' he was gnawing on 'is shield and yellin' his fool head off - then they charged, and we all heard the crash when they collided with the Greeks.
Meanwhile, Minimax ordered all us proper cavalry forward, charging to help out our light cavalry, and we swept them Paphlagonian horsemen away like so much rubbish. We spurred forward, cos we could see a long line of foot skirmishers away ahead of us, but they looked all demoralised-like already.
Them Franks and Saxons sure fight good, dont let anyone tell ya different, my boys. They carved up the Spartans on one end of the line, and plowed in all over the place, in spite of the Greeks menacing to envelop them. Funny tho, the generals must be pretty canny about fighting - every time i saw, both the generals and their bodyguards was being pushed back but the boys on either side of them were carving big holes in the enemy lines.
It didn't take too much of this before the pansyboy Greeks threw down their spears and started howlin' and weepin'. What with us having crushed our wing as well, the light horsemen way over on the left decided enough was enough, and scarpered, having done sod-all for the whole battle.