PAIN IN MY ASS                Billy Connolly.

Chorus:
              A
   You're the dog-end in my beer-can,
   You're the stone in my left shoe,
              E
   And when I think of great disasters,
              D               E
   You know I always think of you,
              A
   You're the snow-drift on my motorway,
   The - snake in my grass,
       E
   But most of all, baby,
                       A
   You're a pain in my ass.....

Verses, same tune:

I took you out to Dinner, to a fancy restaurant.
It took you half an hour to tell the waiter what you want,
And when he brought the soup you let it fall down on your knee,
And when he brought another one you spilt it over me.

Chorus


Oh I took you on an airplane, and as we soared through the clouds,
You scared all the other passengers when you said your prayers out loud,
But the worst was still to come: before we'd even touched the ground,
As a present to the pilot, you passed your hat around.


Chorus


You were an hour late for the wedding: I thought you'd left me in the lurch.
Oh you really shocked the guests there when you smoked your pipe in church,
And in the middle of the service I was stunned, to say the least,
When you answered all the questions wrong and I got married to the priest!

Chorus