IN THE BOARDING-HOUSE I DWELL IN

 D       A        G       D
  In the boarding-house I dwell in,
 A                       D
  Everything was growing old.
         A        G          D
  Silver threads amongst the butter,
 A                              D
  And the cheese was green with mould.
 A                         D
  When the dog died we had sausages,
           E                A   A6 A7
  When the cat died, catnip tea,
 D         A        G      D
  When the landlord died I left there-
 A                             D
  Spare ribs were too much for me.


Girls can never change their nature,
It is quite beyond their reach.
Once a girl is born a lemon,
She can never be a peach,
But the law of compensation
Is the one I always preach:
You can always squeeze a lemon -
Never try to squeeze a peach!


The train was standing at the station,
When a young man fraught with care
Took a step to leap aboard it,
Tripped, fell headlong down the stair.
An old lady standing by him
Said "Did you miss the step, my son?"
He got up and said "No, lady,
I hit every bloody one!"