EARL GREY             Enda Kenny

         Can't stand the stuff... I like to steer clear of grey areas.
         
         Is it perfume? Is it tea?
         Whatever it is it does nothing for me
         Should I drink it? Or dab it on?
         Can I swap it for a coffee or has all the water gone
         
         It is hot it is wet.
         It is eau de toilette
         Is it from the House of Lipton or Chanel?
         I only want a cup of tea not this stuff you've given me
         If you think I'm going to drink it go to
         
         Help me
         Someone call a doctor, call a nurse!
         Call an ambulance I'm poisoned
         And I think it's getting worse
         I only wanted a cup of tea
         But I fear that my last mouthful will be the death of me
         
         It is hot it is wet
         It is eau de toilette
         To my mind it is more toilette than eau
         If you want to spoil your day
         Add the oil of Earl Grey
         I'm reliably informed it's bergamot....
         
         What a mouthful
         Is it perfume? Is it wee?
         Whatever it's supposed to be it doesn't taste like tea
         Should I drink it or dab it on?
         Can I swap it for a coffee or has all the water gone?
         
         It is hot it is wet
         It is eau de toilette
         Is it Twinings? Is it Tetley? Let me see
         Go ahead make my day
         But please don't make me drink Earl Grey
         All I want is a proper cup of tea