2 Timothy 1:3-14 - "For the Spirit that God has given us does not make us timid; instead, his Spirit fills us with power, love, and self-control."

We all struggle with shyness at times. It is a common part of growing into adulthood, and seems to keep on going into some areas of our adult life.

In one study done in the 1970’s, 40% of people were found to be shy, to the extent that it was a problem in their lives. A more recent survey done using the same methods indicates that the level has increased to 50%. It is a growing problem in modern life, and one that obviously many people struggle with.

It is something that I have had to face and still affects me to some extent. Growing up on a farm meant that we had a lot of work to do on the farm, but little social life. And that often made it difficult for me to relate to others who seemed to know what the top ten hits of the week were, and had been to all the latest films.

I remember, deciding at one stage that I was going to do something about it. So I got a notebook and the local newspaper, and each week I would write down the names of all the films that were on, and their filmstars, to try and learn about them, so I could understand what the others were talking about. It didn’t get me very far, because there were very few of them that I could ever see.

Face Up To Shyness

Don't be scared of facing up to shyness. It is a real problem, that can prevent you from enjoying relationships as God would have us, and may hamper your Christian service to the Lord.

Shyness is basically not being able to communicate freely and openly with others because of a sense of inadequacy of some kind. It is a kind of fear - a fear of whether I have something to say that others will want to listen to. - a fear of not being accepted by others. - a fear of saying the wrong thing, or saying something foolish in public. - a fear of expressing or sharing how I feel, because those feelings are important to me, and I don’t know if they are also important to the other person.

Shyness may vary from mild social awkwardness to deep embarrassment and panic from some social situations. It includes difficulty in meeting with people, not being able to start or carry on conversations, fear of intimate relationships, and fear of expressing feelings or actions because others are watching you. One of the most common shyness symptoms is fear of speaking in public.

A person may be outgoing in some respects but shy in others. An All Black may be courageous to tackle someone racing towards him, but a coward in the locker room when he has to speak out for some moral values. Sir Edmund Hillary, the conqueror of Mt Everest, is considered a hero by most people, but he said that he was too shy to ask his first wife, Louise, to be his wife, so he asked Louise's mother to ask her daughter for him!

Understand Why You Are Shy.
Why are you shy? A lot of things can contribute to shyness, and in any person there may be many things combining to produce that result. It’s unlikely you can point to one event in your life and say, `that was what made me shy’.

1. The way we were brought up. We tend to follow the patterns of our parents, and the way we were brought up is very important. Fearfulness in our parents can easily rub off onto us too. A lot of the social fears that our parents instil in us are helpful, but there are many that are not. But as a young person we are not always able to distinguish between them. As a baby you may have been quite comfortable to run around at home or the beach with no clothes on. But it doesn’t take long for parents to explain that is not always the appropriate thing to do. You start to learn that it is shameful to run around with no clothes on. So you learn to draw back and hide yourself.

When you fall over and scrape you knee as a child, and your parents told you not to cry, the same process happens. You think it is not appropriate in exactly the same way as not wearing clothes. It becomes a part of your basic makeup. When I was growing up we were never used to expressing our feelings openly. There was love in the home, but it wasn’t outgoing love. And even now, I notice that it is much easier for my children to express their feelings openly than it was for me.

It helps to recognise the events and factors in our life that have brough shyness into our lives. Commit these things to God. It can help also to share and pray with someone else about these things. Forgive those who have hurt you by putting fear into your life. Confess as sin your own fears - even those that have come from long ago. Receive God's forgiveness and freedom.

2. Temperament. Notice that even in a family, there are differences. There is the outgoing child, and the quiet child. The same parents, but a different result. We each have our own personality that is God’s gift to us. Some people are noisy and outgoing and others are quiet and reflective. It wouldn’t be much good if we were all the same, there would be no one to listen to the noisy ones.

Each temperament has its value. God made each for a purpose. The introvert person, is more likely to be able to understand their own feelings or thinking. When it comes to friendship maybe they don’t have so many friends, but their friendships are meaningful. On the other hand the extrovert can be the life of the party, and is great to have around in any social group to make things hum along. We need extroverts for leadership, but introverts for service. What a beautiful balance God has made.

An introvert temperament may contribute to shyness but is not shyness in itself. When you fully understand your own temperament that God has given to you, and allow the Holy Spirit to have free reign in your life, you can enjoy your unique temperament and freedom from shyness as well.

3. Self worth. A large part of shyness comes from low self esteem. Its when we think that we don’t like ourselves very much, so others will not like us much either. In survey’s of those with shyness, they mark themselves lower on the scale of being physically attractive than others mark them. Shy people may think they don't have the skills for good social interaction. This is inappropriate shyness. We can grow out of shyness that comes from this source - particularly as we follow the guidelines below.

Beware of the Dangers
Shyness is a personal battle - because it affects all relationships. The shy person doesn’t get as many social invitations as others. You may not get chosen as the leader of our group. You get easily overlooked. An outgoing person always finds it easier to reach out to others.

But it also has problems spiritually. If we hold ourselves back in expressing ourselves before others, we are likely to not enjoy worship. How can we really enter into worship with all the joy and enthusiasm that worship really means? In our shyness we hold back from clapping, or raising our hands - because we are shy to do so in front of others. Out of shyness we may not come forward in response to God’s call. . Our shyness then prevents us from enjoying some of the blessings of God.

We may hold back a word that God has given us to speak out to warn or encourage the church. We may hold back when there is an invitation to join a group or to do a task. We think wrongly, `I haven’t got much to say’. In the end it can stop us growing in faith and from serving God in new ways..

`Nobody learned to swim by sitting on the edge of the pool.’ No-one can grow spiritually by being shy in worship or service for God.

Accept The Challenge to be Confident
Everyone has something in their life that God has allowed, so that you can learn to be an overcomer.

1. Put your confidence in Christ, not in yourself. The basic problem with shyness is a preoccupation with yourself. The more you reflect on how you feel about yourself, the harder it will become. It will develop a pattern of you reacting to things on the basis of your feelings. A completely different approach is necessary.

Psalm 27:1 says “The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear.” The biggest difference for me came in my life when I accepted Jesus Christ into my life. My focus was then not on myself but on Christ.

I’m sure that what has helped me to deal with shyness more than anything, is Christ in my life.

2. Put faith before feelings. The shy person focus’s on their own feelings. For example - “I don’t feel up to going out tonight.” Don’t wait for your feelings to change before you do something. Your feelings are not the main thing in your life. What God calls you to do is more important. Your feelings will follow you faith if you step out and do what God calls you to do.

3. Seek the power of the Holy Spirit. Don’t live in your own strength, but in the strength of God.

2 Timothy 1:7 “For the Spirit that God has given us does not make us timid; instead, his Spirit fills us with power, love and self control.”

I have seen so many people come out of themselves and grow in confidence in the Lord’s work when they have been filled with the Holy Spirit. Boldness is one of the main gifts of the Holy Spirit. Why? The Holy Spirit wants to reach out and overflow from us - which is different from our natural temperament. So gradually our temperament is brought into line. We have a different personality operating in us, so that our personality gradually grows more like his.

4. Grow a vision for what you want to become and do. As you develop the vision of what God wants for your life, you will move step by step towards becoming that. It will help you decide what opportunities you should say `yes’ to. As you go on in this vision you will be encouraged as to how it is working out for you, and you will grow in confidence.

Paul was a person who was shy sometimes. He says of the Corinthians, “When I came to you, I was weak and trembled all over with fear, and my teaching and message were not delivered with skilful words of human wisdom, but with convincing proof of the power of God’s Spirit.” [1 Corinthians 2:3-4]

There is actually an advantage that you have if you a reserved person. You are not going to do the Lord’s work in your own strength so much, because you know that you can’t. It encourages you rely on God’s power. What drove Paul to do the work he was doing was not natural ability or a desire to be in the public attention. It was because God gave him a vision for what he could do, and he got out and did it.

Be what you are in God and don't let shyness restrict you!