“So, if your friend jumped off the skytower (Auckland’s tallest building) , would you do it too?” That is the response you might make to your friend who is doing something because they are being pushed to do it. Its a smart response to a serious problem of peer pressure that we all suffer from to some degree.

Well, you might not be willing to jump, but instead you may be demanding a pair of name brand sneakers, because that is the name that everyone else is wearing, even though they are so expensive that it may make your parents want to jump off the skytower.

Or it could be pressure to just try that smoke, or the first attempt at drugs. “You don’t want to be left out of the crowd do you?”

Isn’t it also peer pressure when your boss asks you to do some extra work at night, because the overseas owners of your firm are not going to increase the number of workers, and there is work to be done. If you don’t do it, you may lose your job to someone who is willing to do it, and after all isn’t everyone else doing overtime for the same reasons, because that is our economic situation. There is no legal pressure for you to do more than your agreed on hours of work, but you don’t want to stand out on your own, even if your family and your health has to suffer.

And what about the peer pressure that comes on you when someone says at work `Do you still go to church - I thought that went out with the ark?’ Or if friends or family who you know are not particularly religious come to stay for the weekend and even when there are no words expressed, you wonder if you should invite them along to church too, or is it easier to not raise the subject and just stay home with them.

When we talk about peer pressure, we often think it is a problem that children or teenagers face, but fail to realise that they are just being introduced to a factor that continues on throughout life. It may be a close friend, or a group of acquaintances who put the pressure on. Those closest to us have the greatest opportunity to exercise power over us. But those for whom we work may have a great control in our lives also. And then there is a general sense of social pressure, that comes from the media, or what people generally are saying.

We could give peer pressure other names. It is a form of control of other people over us. It may be a deliberate manipulation in our lives. It is pressure to conform.

Samson
When Samson was born he was dedicated to God in a vow by his parents, that he would have special strength given him by God. As a young man the power of the Holy Spirit came upon him to give him special physical strength.

When Samson fell in love with Delilah, his enemies asked Delilah to find out what the source of his strength was so they could defeat him. Repeatedly, Delilah tried to find out the source of Samson’s strength and how he could be tied up. Despite Samson knowing that Delilah couldn’t be trusted, he kept on falling into the traps she tried to lay for him. She would say, ‘“How can you say you love me, when you don’t mean it? You’ve made a fool of me three times, and you still haven’t told me what makes you so strong.” She kept on asking him, day after day. He got so sick and tired of her bothering him about it, that he finally told her the truth.’ [Judges 16:16].

Samson’s falling to peer pressure, broke his vow and spiritual service for the Lord, and in the end he lost his life.

Peer pressure can have a serious negative effect on your life, when it leads you away from God’s will for you.

For Samson, peer pressure worked because he had some weak points in his own heart. He was afraid of losing the love of Delilah. In a rash moment he thought that he could trade off the love of God for that love.

Resisting Peer Pressure.
The story of Samson is a lesson for us in the dangers of peer pressure. How can we resist it?

1. Make your commitment in the Lord over everything else.
One person has said, “If a young person has positive goals, expresses their feelings in a healthy way, feels confident and has clear direction, peer pressure will have less of an effect. If others try and convince them to take drugs or drink alcohol, they can let them know that they do not need an outside chemical in order to be happy inside.”

It is the inner faith and values that are going to stand a person in good stead throughout life. But if they are not there, the person is a sitting duck to follow the person next to them. It is in childhood and teenage years, when we make our basic decisions about life. These are the years when it is good as parents to do everything we can to impart those values to a person to enable them to grow strong.

It is in adolescence that we all go through that time of deciding on who we are, where we belong, and our purpose in life. Being accepted by the peer group is an important part of that. Conforming to the peer group allows adolescents to avoid embarrassment, ridicule or rejection.

But each of these questions are best answered in Jesus Christ. When you give your life to Jesus, you are accepted as a child of God, a part of his family, have special gifts that God has given them to use, and have a purpose to live for. There is nothing better than that, and it is not worth throwing that away for temporary gain.

Your discovery of Jesus as your Lord and Saviour needs to be held onto throughout life. Anything that you are asked to do which conflicts with your commitment to Jesus, is something that you can quickly say `no’ to.

The pressure on Michael Jones to play Rugby on Sunday’s must have been intense. It is not just that which has made him a highly respected role model that he is, but it has been an important part of it. He has refused to give away his commitment to Christ under the pressure of popularity or his love of sport. And the Lord will honour him for it.

The Lord has asked us to follow him, and serve the world. But instead most people follow the world and serve themselves.

2. Surround yourself with friends who help, not lead astray.
A farmer, troubled by a flock of crows in his corn field, loaded his shotgun and crawled unseen along the fence-row, determined to get a shot at the crows. Now the farmer had a very sociable parrot who made friends with everybody. Seeing the flock of crows, the parrot flew over and joined them (just to be sociable). The farmer saw the crows and didn’t see the parrot among them. He took careful aim and fired. When the farmer went over to pick up the fallen crows, lo, there was his parrot - badly ruffled, with a broken wing, but still alive. Seeing his pet so injured, he took him home and when his children asked `What happened Papa?’ The parrot answered in a flash, ‘Bad company.’

Praise God for good friends. They are friends who will truly accept you for who you are, respect you for your faith, and who will not attempt to manipulate you or control you. Everyone has a need to be accepted by others. But we can choose who those people should be.

Our children need guidance in this area, and parents who can say to their children, `I don’t think those people you are going out with are helpful to you”, is a good parent.

A child’s attempts to win approval among peers is a normal, healthy part of development, but the real question is `what peers?’. There is nothing better than when a person’s friends also share the same Christian goals and values.

3. Learn how to say `no’ to harmful quick fixes, and `yes’ to positive activities.
Survey’s show that a major reason for smoking, alcohol and drug taking is peer pressure. Young people will feel instinctively that if they see their peers do it, then they should at least try also it also.

One of the problems with sheep is that they will follow each other in order to stick together as a group. People can be just the same. One of the ways that on the farm we used to get sheep to enter into an empty pen that they seemed to be afraid of getting into, was to grab one sheep and force them into the pen. It was always much easier to get the rest to follow after that.

As people we need to ourselves be aware of when it is OK to follow what others are doing, and when it is not. And we need to learn when to say no. It is OK to say no!

4. Go it alone at times.
There are some times when we need to do what we have to do - alone.

Once upon a time there were three monkeys, who were used to doing everything together, standing on a seesaw. Above them hung a bunch of bananas. The three monkeys all scampered toward the high end of the board in order to reach the bananas. As they did, the high end tilted downward and became the low end. The monkeys then scampered back to the other end, with the same result. Whereupon, the brightest of the three had an idea: he didn’t have to stay with the others. He would stay at one end of the board and wait for the other two to run to the other end and raise him up. Consequently, the bright monkey reached the bananas by not conforming to what the others were doing.

Any leader knows that to lead they have to go it alone at times. David fought Goliath alone. David later became used to fighting with others, but at the crucial time he need to do what God called him to do, not follow the others.

Like David, I believe that God is calling us to be people who are willing to stand alone when necessary, to be strong in our lives for God - each in our own special area of gifts. But to do that we need to learn how to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit - and that may not be according to other people. We need each other to encourage us in our spiritual growth. But when it comes to a choice between following the spirit and following another person, then we must say `NO’ to the other person, and `YES’ to God.