Ward 10 Staff

Get to know the friendly staff here at Ward 10!

Head Nurse G

G is the head nurse here at Ward 10 and is the only member of staff who has been able to build any kind of respect from the Ward 10 Three. She even indulges them in their delusions and allows them to believe that she is their bookings and promotions manager. Anything to get them to take their medicine I guess. Email Head Nurse G here

Oh, she is also rumoured to lead a secret double life as a top shelf, hard core, do anything porn star!

Nurse Z

Nurse Z is a diligent, hard worker. Or at least pretends to be when anyone senior is around. She has a penchant for wearing knee pads. She claims it’s because she gets cold knees from the fact that her staff nurses uniform is so short. She seems to have a particular bond with Matt, in fact her wearing of knee pads and having spent time in Matt’s vicinity seem to be highly correlated

Nurse A

Nurse A is extremely helpful and courteous worker and is always willing to lend a hand. She gets along well with other staff members, particularly George The IT Monkey. She can quite often be found with pockets full of bananas

Abdul & Ahkeem The Orderlies

When the board was interviewing for orderlies they knew they needed a couple of men who were hard, no nonsense, and weren’t going to take anyone’s crap! When brothers Abdul & Ahkeem were the only ones who turned up they got the job by default. OK they may have some serious mental health issues of their own but that seems to be a necessary requirement for most people involved in the care of the patients here at Ward 10 Hospital! They certainly know how to handle the patients here with the added bonus that they can actually understand most of their deranged rantings.

Sven The Chef

Working in this place takes a certain toll on one’s mental well-being and Sven The Chef has been working here for longer than anyone can remember, in fact no one can find any record of him being hired, or being paid for that matter! As he hasn’t inquired about it everyone seems fine with keeping him on.

With his vocabulary consisting mostly of unintelligible “Dorf dorfs” no one ever knows exactly what it is they’re eating. Having seen some of the meals that Sven The Chef prepares that’s probably for the best. Staff members are very reluctant to eat from the cafeteria except for Helga The Cleaning Lady but it’s believed that she uses the gruel as a disinfectant. The patients haven’t made any complaints about the food but Sven The Chef is prone to throwing his large knives around when insulted.

Helga The Cleaning Lady

Helga is very hard working and prides herself on keeping this place spick and span. She stands by her claim that she keeps this place clean enough that if you were to lick any of the patient’s toilet seats you’d catch no more than 3 major diseases! No one has yet proved her wrong! She also has a major boner for Dave. Ordinarily this would be reason enough to have her committed but as no one else is game enough to clean up the unspeakably vile messes that abound this place we need her to remain as staff.

Dr Von Schtinkinberg

Seen here on the cover of Girl's Annual, Dr Von Schtinkinberg is the world's leading authority in psycho therapy. His motto is "If I can't help you, you're screwed!" He recently began his new position here as the overseer of the Ward 10 Three and you can keep an eye on how they're doing with the Dr's weekly progress report

Having problems? Serious problems? Perhaps of a sexual and/or embarrassing nature? Visit the Ward 10 forum and post your question in the Ask Dr Von Schtinkinberg board, cause "if he can't help you, you're screwed!

Trevor The Night Watchman

Trev aint the brightest scalpel in the closest but he's the only one game enough to roam the corridors here at Ward 10 late at night! Although when asked why he does it in the dark he simply replies "so they cant see me a comin!" Hasn't taken much of a shine to the good Dr Von Schtinkinberg either.

George The IT Monkey

George is possibly the smartest member of staff here at Ward 10. He's a whiz on the computer and runs the IT department. He created and maintains this site so it should continue to run smoothly and get frequent updates, as long as we don't run out of bananas.

The Ward 10 Curator

The Ward 10 Curator runs the forum and is in charge of keeping the 'news' section up to date with the latest goings on around here. Seems to be one of the few who can control Gimpy, well so a certain extent anyway.

Father Chris

Father Chris isn’t technically staff as he isn’t on the pay roll, choosing the reward of helping others over actual monetary compensation. Hailing from the new and unusual We Are Not a Cult parish (WANC), he believes that even those who have strayed an enormous amount can be steered back to the path of righteousness.

Everyone else here disagrees. Nevertheless Father Chris is relentless in his insurmountable task of recruiting the patients to his sect.

Brother Mike

After realising that he may have taken on an insurmountable task, Father Chris when to his superiors at WANC and asked for assistance. The only person willing to go and help was Brother Mike who’s devotion to the course is over shadowed by nothing. Nothing that is except his own stupidity. Either way he is fully devoted to the course, even if he doesn’t really know what that means.