TWiF 32 is here, and your Captain Sarah Lane is joined by the lovely and talented Martin Sargent. Add worn out to that list; Marty is all tired from that defragging he’s been doing during the week! Sarah has also been busy with the technology, redesigning her personal SarahLane.com website – Ooooh, the page is so colorful, and doesn’t she look cute with that big smile. But now is not the time for all that tech stuff. Defragging is for during the week, the weekend is time for some Fun!

 Today’s show is all Jessica Biel all the time. Sarah is a bag fan… of her rockin’ body! Not that she’s bisexual. Don’t forget, Sarah only has lesbian eyes for Aniston! But this Jessica is a real dangerous person, so much so that a recent study by McAfee has found that out of all the people online to search for it is most dangerous to search for Jessica Biel. One out of five sites has malware content! Sarah thinks all the little boys trying to find topless photos of her might have something to do with that. Beyonce, Jennifer Aniston, Tom Brady and Jessica Simpson were all high on the list of dangerous search terms. Hooray for Boobies!

 Over the pond in British town, people are having problems with cows. They’re killing people! Aww, Sarah thought cows were cute, docile herbivores. If you walk around with a Dog and the Cow recently had a baby Calf, the Cow will attack! Marty is declaring war, eat all the Cows! Beef Steak for dinner! Sarah thinks it is revenge for all those years of innocent cow slaughtering.

 In other animal news, Arizona is having big problems with killer bees. People are dying all over the place; the sky is turning black with swarms. One elderly man got stung over 75 times when he tried to rid bees from their hives with a shop vacuum cleaner. Oh what a bad idea, surely his wife would have warned him! Watch out for those bees, there is just no reasoning with ‘em.

 Pace High School is a nice community school. They’re having some trouble right now with the Internet. PaceHighSchool.com doesn’t belong to the school; it’s in the hands of a Porn site company! The kids love it! Principle Lay of the school says there is nothing they can do about it. Your name probably isn’t helping the cause there Mr. Lay!

 Trekkers or Trekkies. Yep, fans of Star Trek. Well, now there’s cologne just for them! No, it won’t make you smell like you haven’t bathed for a week. Three varieties are available. ‘Tiberius’ is named after Captain Kirk himself, bringing a nice zest. Sarah is sure anyone wearing that is going to get laid. Oh Yes Captain, set Phasers to score! The next scent is named ‘Red Shirt’. You know, after the once off characters that always die? Last is the perfume Ponn Farr, named after the seven year Vulcan mating ritual.

 Some people love Star Trek, but Sarah and Marty are addicted to the Internet. Martin is firmly in denial, but the facts make it obvious. He is in luck; a new clinic has opened in Fall City that is designed to help Internet addicts break free. It’s a bit vague, if someone is addicted to Porn or World of Warcraft is that more than just a simple Internet addiction?

 Marty always hates Sarah’s stories, but this one might be the exception. Florida is a magical place, full of screwed up hicks and nice old people. There was a woman in Florida who was upset; someone was smoking a cigarette in her presents. Yeah, non-smokers might get a bit upset about that, but this lady took it to a new level. She attacked the smoker with a can of Glade Potpourri Air Freshener, spraying for a full minute! Sarah hates the smell of that Glade stuff, and gets worried about the fire hazard involved with the lit cigarette.

 The last story is a real heart warmer of epic proportions. The kids in Snowmass, Colorado like to play in the local skate park during the summer months. This smooth concrete dome became a hazard for an innocent Bear! Aww, poor Bear! After a while, locals lowered a ladder into the park. The smart bear used it and was able to run free! Sarah finds it so cute! Marty is just negative and bored. Boo Marty, go jump in a lake.

Finishing off the show is another Tweet Beat. Does it come down to the line? Does Sarah finally take Marty’s offer of double or nothing? Check it all out on TWiF 32!

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Internet People Two featuring Martin Sargent! Feeling a little insecure now Steve Gibson?

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After a little bit of a false start, TWiF 31 begins! Sarah is continuing up north to visit her wonderful Mother, so Marty is at Casa Del Sarge Skyping in. Martin is relieved; being in the car with Road Rage Queen Sarah for an hour is bad for his blood pressure! The Traffic is getting really bad on the drive to Petaluma, maybe it’s time for the TWiFmobile (A Saab) to get a grade yellow police escort. The TWiT cottage has been upgraded to all digital technology! Sarah takes a few minutes to get used to the new equipment causing twin Sarah’s to appear. But hey, Sarah still loves all things tech. She even prefers them over Shoes! And Sarah loves her shoes, showing off her flash red Salt water sandals. Yes, cheap sandals. In her old age, comfort comes first with her footwear selection.

Martin has been getting more spiritual. After his past year of unemployment and car breakdowns, he’s come to the conclusion that God is the only being that could possibly help him. Marty’s love of tech and God come together with a great new concept – you can Tweet your prayers! Follow @thekotel and message him your prayers and they’ll be printed out and posted on Jerusalem's Western Wall. This Twitter thing is a fad, you could do this before by addressing a plain old envelop to ‘God’. Well, except in California where the letter will show up on Marty’s doorstep.

There is a lot of noise out on the Twitterverse, and Sarah is just fed up with it. Studies have been going on by Pear Analytics and they have uncovered the revolution that 40% of all Tweets’ are pointless, BS drivel. Twitter is pointless. SHOCKING! None of Martin’s tweets are pointless babble, all his posts have crazy pass along value. Well, people retweet his stuff. But doesn’t that just make it a larger pool of babble?

Gamers are getting older and fatter, according to Ron Richards (according to Martin Sargent). A study in the Pacific Northwest shows that the average gamer is a 35 year old chubby man. Marty points out that many people put on the pounds when they reach their mid-30s without gaming. Sarah is starting to notice that already! She is going to start playing more of the Wii Fit, getting up and hitting around with the tennis.

When Sarah is traveling, she longs for her comforts of life. Being in Toronto and not being able to find a toilet is a very uncomfortable situation. Without further ado-do, it’s the Gotta Go Briefcase! From the outside it looks like a standard Briefcase, but open it up and bam! There is a little portable toilet, complete with a little place for your toilet paper and newspaper. Sarah calls it fake, this can’t possibly be real! The proportions are all wrong. The logistics also lead Sarah to call it poo, how would you go about emptying it? All the public trash cans would start to smell really bad.

A Florida woman got duped after being hired on Craigslist to bottle feed and change the diapers of an invalid man. But here’s the catch: he was a perfectly able man, just with a baby fetish. How did that work, did she walk in the first day at work and just start feeding? Well, after a few late payments this man eventually got found out. Turns out it was costing upwards of $600 a week! All this baby talk leads Sarah to tell a tale from her youth. During the 4th grade she dressed up as a baby for Halloween, complete with oversized diapers and a bottle. Her mother found it a bit strange when she wanted to keep using the bottle and take it to school, drinking her apple juice out of it.

The baby boomers are still getting high! Martin hates saying ‘baby boomers’; it has strange memories for him. Anyway, a recent study shows that the 50 – 59 year old age group is increasing their illicit drug use. Yep, those hippies that did the drugs in the 60’s are still puffin’ away. But Sarah’s note: Don’t do drugs, don’t drink and drive. Lead an awesome, healthy life!

UFO sightings go up when UFO movies come out. Boring. Its time for Tweet Beat! Will Sarah FINALLY get out of the longest loosing streak in TWiF history? During the whole charade, Leo Laporte himself shows up and does something to make Marty giggle like he was 12. With so much action, this could be the best TWiF episode in… seven whole days!

TWiF 31 - Go Leo Go!